Page 10 of Bells

“Fuck. Yes. More,” she cried out.

There was no way in hell the guys couldn’t hear me fucking her. I didn’t have her over when they were home just because she was always watching Church. He didn’t seem to have any interest in her, but the last thing I wanted to do was spend the night with my girl staring at my best friend. I knew he was a fucking stud, but come on. Cut me some slack.

Tonight had been different though.

She was all over me and acting normal. Like the girl I’d first met and liked.

“Harder,” she rasped. “Fuck me harder.”

I gave her what she wanted. Her pussy spasmed for me once more. I spilled my load into the condom I was wearing and collapsed over her, my chest heaving.

“Fuck, Bells,” I murmured, brushing my lips against hers.

She stared up at me, a small smile on her face. “That felt amazing.”

My heart swelled. I’d put my all into it. I thought since she’d wanted me to try harder, the flowers, note, and some time in my bed might do the trick. So far, it seemed to be working.

I’d learned in my therapy lessons that I could be worthy of love, even on the days I felt like I was worthless. The road was so fucking hard to travel though. I felt like I was constantly beating myself up over it. I wanted to make this relationship work. Bells was the first girl I ever felt like this about. The idea of me fucking it up somehow weighed heavily on me. As much as I kept trying, it was hard to keep the intrusive thoughts of being a fucking waste out of my head, especially on days when she was pissed at me.

I nuzzled against her neck.

“I love you,” I whispered. I’d never said that to anyone before. She would be my first, but I felt it so deeply, I knew it had to be love.I was in love with her.It all seemed to fall into place in that moment. I spent almost every waking moment thinking about her nowadays. Ithadto be love.

She stiffened beneath me.

Fuck.

I shifted and stared down at her, still buried in her heat.

“Bells?”

Her face was expressionless as she stared up at me.

I swallowed hard, nausea churning my guts. I’d just told her I loved her, and she was silent. It had been hard for me to come to terms with since I didn’t feel like I could ever love anyone or they could love me back, but here I was, staring at the girl I’d fallen head over heels for and she was silent.

I fucked up. Again.

“Say something,” I whispered. “Fuck. Anything.”

She licked her lips. “I, uh. . . need to use the bathroom.”

I blinked down at her for a moment before I pulled myself free of her pussy and rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. She got out of bed and went into my attached bathroom, in the house I shared with my friends on campus, and closed the door behind her.

I breathed in and out slowly as I tried to calm my racing heart. Stitches told me not to ever tell a girl I loved her. I thought he was just fucking with me. I’d never considered love before Isabella. Never thought I had it in me. I was a twisted piece of work with some PTSD and a personality disorder. With depression. With a host of a million fucking broken things. I was fucked in the head. When I’d felt this feeling for her, I’d been elated because it was nice to feel something for someone instead of all the coldness. It made me feel human. It made me attach to her.

I sat up, my mood shifting from worry to anger, and disposed of my condom before I pulled my pants back on and tugged a t-shirt over my head. I settled on the edge of my bed with my fucking heart in my throat, the anger simmering just below the surface.

None of the progress I’d made mattered. Not if I didn’t matter. I was never going to be fucking good enough for her. She made sure I danced that line for her though. I was at my wit’s end. I didn’t know how to make her love me back, and that fucking hurt.

I hated to hurt. To be broken by someone I thought cared for me. It probably stemmed from my old man telling me he loved me and treating me like he did only for him to kidnap me and put a bullet in my chest.

I tugged at my hair and looked to my ceiling. I needed to smoke. My nerves were shot. I got up just as Isabella opened the door to the bathroom and stepped out naked.

My heart jumped at the sight of her, and I silently cursed myself for those feelings.

“Sin?”

“What?”

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