Page 51 of Bells

We all took a seat. I couldn’t force myself to look at Church, so I said nothing as I stared out at the lake.

“My father stopped in for a visit,” Church started.

I shifted in my seat. Everett Church was a grade-A prick. Whenever he showed up, it meant shit was going to go down or was in the process of going down. An appearance by him was never fun.

“Bells was working for him,” Church continued.

I sat up and finally looked over at him. “What?”

“He’s her guardian. She’s my adopted sister. She’s yours too.” Church looked to Stitches who stared blankly at him.

“Excuse me. What?” Stitches finally managed as I rolled Church’s words around in my mind. I hadn’t known her guardian. She’d refused to speak about him. Guess now I knew why.

Church launched into telling us everything his father said to him as I sat there numbly listening to it, each of his words striking me harder in the chest.

I’d been so blind to it all.

When he finished, we all sat in silence for several long moments before Ashes spoke.

“So she was tasked with getting you back home? To join up with your old man? To, like, get you to love her enough to follow?”

Church nodded, a look of disgust on his face.

I didn’t know what to say to that. Did it mean she hadn’t cared about me after all? So many thoughts tumbled through my head that I had a hard time on settling on one.

“I got her pregnant. She let me,” I finally said. “Doesn’t that mean something?”

Stitches gave me a sad look. “Not really, man. It means she fucked you more than you fucked her.”

Nausea roiled low in my guts.

“If it’s even yours,” Church finished.

I licked my lips. “I-I don’t know. It has to be. But she said she slept with someone else on campus. To-to hurt me.” I hated admitting it out loud to my friends.

Ashes winced. “Damnit, man. When? Who was it with?”

“I told her I didn’t want to know. I-I know that baby is mine. It has to be. She wouldn’t fuck someone she wasn’t with without a condom. I know her—”

“Excuse me, but you don’t know shit about her,” Church said. “She’s fucked up.”

“Well, you cheated with her, so really, what’s that say about you?” I snapped at him. I had no fucking idea what I was supposed to be thinking right then. My emotions were all over the place. And so were my doubts. The baby. . . it had to be mine. It just had to be. I’d been pushing the possibility of it not being mine out of my head for weeks. If only she were here to actually tell me the truth for once.

But would it be the truth?

I didn’t know shit anymore. Nothing made sense. My heart hurt. That’s all I knew.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Church murmured. He locked his green eyes on mine. “You need to know that I never wanted to hurt you. She said you had a fantasy about it. I was stupid for half a second and believed her. She told me you didn’t want to talk about it, but I should have spoken to you and confirmed it. I should have told you everything, but I knew you wouldn’t listen to me. I only did what I did to get you away from her. I didn’t have feelings for her at all. I knew if I fucked her, you’d break it off and be free. I’m sorry, Sinclair. Truly. I did it to save you.”

My throat burned as I stared at him.

He dug around in his pocket before pulling out a rabbit’s paw on a keyring.

“I made this for you. I stole its luck in the hopes you’d forgive me. I want you to have it now so maybe the next time you fall in love, it’ll be with a girl who loves you right back.” He pushed the rabbit foot across the table.

No one said a word. I stared at it for a moment, my vision blurry with tears, before I reached out and picked it up, blinking away the moisture gathering in my eyes.

“I’m sorry too,” I finally said. “For putting you guys through any of this. For. . . any and all of it. Church.” I paused and gathered myself. “I-I love you. All of you.”

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