Page 68 of Jael

“That’s when it started.”

“If I had known?—”

“There was nothing you could have done.” She shook her head. “It didn’t even matter at the start. I worshipped my father. Whatever he did, I wanted to be a part of it. I convinced myself it was good. It had to be. I never liked it, but I thought that was something wrong with me, not him.”

“How old were you?”

“It’s been ever since I can remember. He liked to see the fear in a man’s eyes, and he wanted me to know what that was like. It amused him, I think, to have me with him. A young girl watching while he tortured or killed a man. It messed with them. Broke them in a way he’d never seen before.”

Danny’s stomach twisted. Christopher had pulled a similar stunt with Eva at Burger’s house.

“I can’t imagine what that would have been like for you,” he said. “Did anyone else know what was happening?”

“I think maybe Artus knew. He may have told Christopher, but other than that, I have no idea. Then I reached an age where men found me beautiful. My dad thought this was even better. He would strip them naked in front of me and humiliate them.”

“Jael, I—I wish I had known what he was doing back then. It’s so wrong.”

“I shouldn’t have told you all of that. We can’t go back to the past. The damage was already done by the time you showed up anyway.”

“When did he finally stop?”

She started to laugh, but it died off, and her eyes glistened with tears that didn’t quite spill, her fury keeping them at bay. “I thought it would happen the day he died. It’s better this way.”

“How?”

“Before I had hope. Now I know how useless that was. I’ll take my punishment because I deserve it.”

“No. You never deserved any of that, and it’s not your fault. Jael, whatever you do next, you can’t marry?—”

Her body sagged onto the bar. “I don’t feel good.”

He was off his chair in an instant. “Let’s get out of here.”

She nodded, and he draped her arm over his shoulder, taking most of her weight as he led her to the door.

When they got outside, she leaned her back against the cool stone wall, tilting her head up to breathe deeply of the night air.

“Are you going to be sick?” he said with his hands on her, ready to angle her toward the wall.

“I don’t think so. It’s better now, but can we get out of here?”

“Yeah. I can take you home.”

“No. I don’t want to go home.”

“You should sleep.”

“Please. I can’t go home. I know what will meet me behind my eyelids. I’m not ready for that yet. Can we just drive?”

“Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t care. I need—” Her mouth moved like she wanted to add more but couldn’t come up with the right word.

“What do you need?”

She looked at him. “I don’t know what to do with this.”

“With what?”

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