Page 100 of Jep

Em leaned on the counter. “What was it saying?”

“I couldn’t hear words, exactly. It was more the sense of despair that soaked into my pores. Then it felt like I was lifted off the ground and carried to the edge of the roof. When I looked over, I saw a pool of black, and all I wanted to do was fall in. Swim around in it.”

She shook her head. “You must have been in a very dark place to want more darkness.”

“I think we all do it now and then. Something gets you down, and you let your thoughts spiral. It’s an odd comfort wallowing in self-pity and misery.”

“That’s true. I’ve never been that low, but there have been times when I’ve been down, and there is a pull to go deeper into the mire. It’s almost like if you can justify your pain, then circumstances will have to change. But then they don’t, and you’ve got to climb out again. Or you jump off a roof— So what happened? You obviously didn’t jump.”

“I did.”

She jerked upright. “Wait—so?—”

“I leaned forward. Let all my weight drag me into the abyss, but someone yanked me back onto the roof.”

“Who was it? Did your friend turn up?”

Jep took a sip. “I have no idea. Next thing I knew, I was on my back looking up at the cloudy sky. No one else was there. I watched the clouds for a minute. They moved slowly, but then…they just parted, and a ray of sun pierced through. I stared at it, somehow knowing that it was for me, and this voice, deep inside, said, ‘My son—’” He pressed his lips together against his emotion and took another sip. “He said, ‘My son, if you ask the darkness to hide you, if the surrounding light became night, even in the darkness you cannot hide from me. I will always find you.’”

Em sniffed against her own tears. “Psalm 139.”

“Yeah. I didn’t know that at the time, but I knew who it was speaking to me. When I got up from that roof, I was a changed man. I left my old life behind and started a new one.”

“That’s incredible.”

“And imagine my surprise when I started reading the Bible and came across Psalm 139.”

“What did you think? That must have been—amazing.”

“I read it over and over and over, not because I was surprised, exactly. I knew by then what God was capable of, but even now—telling that story—it gives me goosebumps.”

Em rubbed her arm. “Me too.”

“Does that mean you’ve accepted me into the fold? No longer confounded by my being a Christian?” he teased.

“I was never confounded.”

“You were too. You should have seen the look on your face.”

“Okay, maybe a little. And I’m sorry. I did judge you. On more than one occasion, you’ve surprised me. Whereas you seem to know me very well.”

“My background puts me in a better position to not judge others.”

“It shouldn’t matter. There’s no excuse for it.”

He shrugged. “None of us is perfect.”

“You’re a good man, Jep. Whatever anyone says. I’m glad they brought you back to the team.” She held her mug in two hands while she gulped too fast against a rising feeling she was unprepared for. She welcomed the scalding heat as it pulled her feet back to the earth.

“That caffeine kicking in yet?” Jep said.

“Almost. Give me another couple of minutes and I’ll be ready.”

“A few minutes it is.” He touched the back of his head and winced.

“Is that where you got hit?” She walked over to him. “Let me see.”

“There’s nothing to see.”

---