Page 111 of Samson

“No, I’m fine. That’s not what I mean. I was feeling very anxious. As soon as I arrived, I wanted to leave, but other people had arrived late, and they blocked the door long enough that I had to find somewhere to hide, so I retreated to the bathroom.”

“Sounds to me like God was running interference.”

“You think so?”

“I don’t know, but He finds creative ways to reach out to His children.”

“I was too overwhelmed to even be thinking about God. I was too busy crying. It was awful, actually. I kept expecting someone to knock on the stall and tell me I had to come out.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. The fear got ahold of me and wouldn’t let go. People came and went, and I stayed where I was until it was quiet again. Then, when I finally came out, the church was mostly empty, and the anxiety had lessened, so I made my way in here to look for answers. I thought maybe if I prayed in the sanctuary, God would turn up.”

“Little did you know He’d been in the bathroom stall with you the whole time.”

“Maybe.”

“Just because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“Then how can you be sure?”

“When you know the truth, your feelings don’t matter anymore.”

“That sounds counterintuitive.”

“Does it? Do you find that your feelings are a good compass to steer you?”

She slumped in the seat. “When you say it like that…” She shook her head. “You’re right. But then, if you let your head make all the decisions… I don’t know, that doesn’t sound like a good alternative.”

“I’m not talking about letting your head control things either. There is a scripture that says the heart is deceitful above all things. So you can’t rely on that. And there’s another scripture that says to not lean on your own understanding.”

“Wow, that’s disappointing. What does that leave you with? Nothing?”

“It leaves you with the best option of all.” He pointed up. “God wants to lead you. He’s the only one who really knows the right way.”

“How do I hear Him? Because I’ve been praying, and He’s been silent as far as I can tell.”

“Often with God, He’ll give you one step at a time. As you obey, He’ll continue to lead.”

“The only thing I’ve been sure of lately is coming here and asking for His help. But that’s it.”

“That’s it? That’s a lot.”

“Is it?”

Ryan bunched his lips together in thought. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on? Or I could get Beth? Or do you prefer to keep your troubles to yourself? I’m okay with whatever. God knows what’s going on, and that’s enough, but I may be able to help.”

“I don’t think it would be a good idea to tell you.”

“That’s okay. But I trust it’s not something illegal? Because if it is, I’d advise you to stop.”

She was surprised by the laugh that escaped her lips. It had been a while. “No. That’s not why I don’t want to say. I just don’t think you’d believe me.”

“I’ve been a pastor for a lot of years. I’ve heard some stories, believe me.”

“Not like this.”

“Try me.”

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