Page 91 of Hidden Chance

“You’re attracted to Robby and?—”

“No. I’m not.”

“Are you embarrassed?”

“No. But I know there are much more important things at stake right now. My relationship status is the last thing on my mind.”

“Except it’s not. You want it to be that way, but denying it only makes it more insistent. You’re better off admitting it so God can show you the right way forward with him.”

“There is no way forward with him. There’s nothing going on. We’ve got work to do. Besides, we have very different lives.”

“Do you? Looks to me like they’re aligned.”

“Right now. But what about after this is all over?”

“What if I told you he liked you too?”

Hannah’s face heated. “Did he tell you that?”

“No, but I can tell. And the only reason I told you was so you couldn’t hide from your own feelings. You don’t need to avoid it. You need to face it and ask God for wisdom. Trust me. I fought my feelings for Peter for a long time. I would have preferred to dislike him. I tried very hard and almost succeeded. Thankfully, I didn’t. Turned out to be a waste of time and nearly caused some very big problems. It could have cost people their lives.”

“We’ve had a couple of moments where it seemed clear we were attracted to one another, but we both pulled back, and I don’t know what that means. I hate it because it makes me feel so stupid around him. I’m worried what he’s going to think about everything I do, so I overreact in the other direction and get stubborn instead. It ends up driving us both crazy.”

“The good news is, when you first start falling for someone, they can do no wrong, so don’t worry about being a fool. Robby has stars in his eyes. He thinks you’re amazing. Trust me.”

“Then why didn’t he want me to come to Burma?”

“You know why.”

“I don’t want to assume anything. This is all very uncomfortable.”

Jemi laughed. “You and I are so alike. Peter always told me you reminded him of me.”

“Really? I don’t see it. If I were you, I don’t think I could have let Peter go on this mission. Not after everything that’s just happened. You got each other back.Why would you want to be apart again? I don’t think I could do that.”

“It’s never easy. I let him go because it was the right thing to do. Not only to help others, but we need a distraction to help us step back into life together too. We’ve been praying for healing for a long time, but God chose to wait until now to do it. I think this is all part of his timing. Letting him go now, I have to do what Peter had to do for me and trust God with his life. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done it, either.”

“How do you deal with it?”

“Is that the reason you’re worried about getting close to Robby?”

“It crossed my mind. Right now, I have no say in the matter because we aren’t together, but I am worried about him. I don’t want anything to happen to him. How do you do it?”

“I made a decision a long time ago not to wallow in fear of something that is outside of my control. We pray before he goes, and I know that he’s always listening for the leading of the Holy Spirit. If God says don’t go, he won’t. After he walks out the door, that’s it. He’s in God’s hands.”

“But Peter doesn’t feel the same?”

Jemi thought for a moment before responding. “Peter has always had a harder time with this stuff. I stayed here because I know he’ll work better without me there to worry about. I make him vulnerable, and that’s the last thing I want to do. You probably do the same to Robby, and that’s why he was reluctant to have you on this trip.”

“I kind of knew that, but I can’t get rid of that thing in the back of my mind that says he doesn’t think I’m good enough.”

“That’s definitely not?—”

They heard a muffled scream, and both jumped up, looking at the door.

“Quickly. This way,” Jemi said, pulling Hannah to the other side of the room, where they went to a window. She pushed it, then jammed the heel of her hand on the frame when it stuck. The corner cracked, but it opened after some resistance.

“What’s going on?” Hannah said as Jemi directed her out. “I thought we were safe here.”

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