Page 74 of Hidden Chance

She shrugged. “I’m not really sure. I know I haven’t handled myself this whole time the way He wants, but I don’t think I’m too far off base.”

“How do you know you’ve done something wrong?”

“He’s warned me a few times.”

“So you don’t think He wants you here?”

“That’s not it either. So far, when I get my head in the right place, God seems to be leading metoyou. Not away from you. I haven’t acted the right way the whole time, but I don’t think we’re on the wrong path.”

“Can you give me an example?”

“You’re going to make me confess my sins?”

“I just want to understand where you’re coming from.”

“Remember when you were terrorizing me?”

“When did I ever do that?”

“What else do you call assault, kidnapping, interrogation, and threats?”

He laughed. “It wasn’t that bad—” He remembered back to that day. “No. I have no excuse. I’m sorry.” Fear was a powerful tactic that’d he’d employed and now regretted. “Actually, you handled that all surprisingly well. I was hard on you, but you remained very determined. You were more angry than scared from what I saw.”

“That’s because I was. But that was God’s doing. I mean. Don’t get me wrong. There were times when I was afraid.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. It was partly my own fault.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“He told me to come clean with you. He wanted me to tell you everything, and I wouldn’t.”

“You’re serious? God told you to trust me?”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“If you told me everything, you’d have to trust me.”

“It’s not about trusting you. It’s about trusting God.”

“Still, I should have treated you differently.”

“It doesn’t matter. Like I said, it wasn’t about you, it was about God. I was so mad and frustrated at you that I refused. I was stubborn, and it made more trouble than was necessary.”

He scratched his head. “Yeah. I guess so. I would have been more inclined to believe you if you’d cooperated.”

“At least I finally got around to it.”

“And what about when you went into Pike’s office after I told you not to? Did God tell you to do that?”

“No idea.”

“How can you not know?”

“Because it’s not always clear. A lot of things can interfere, and then I get things wrong, and I feel like it’s impossible to know what He’s saying. It worked out in the end, but I don’t know if that was God protecting my stupidity or if I was walking His path.”

“But you’re saying there are times you don’t know.”

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