Page 72 of Hidden Chance

He dropped the phone away from his ear. His stomach clenched in anger and frustration. It wasn’t Hannah’s fault. He’d always liked her. Even when he knew her as a girl, when he’d worked with her dad, he’d seen a fire in her and had expected great things from her. After her dad died, he’d chased her up a few times, both him and Jemi, but it wasn’t long before they’d lost contact. She moved on with her life, but now she needed his help. The problem was, when he’d met Jemi, she’d reminded him of Hannah.

He moved to a chair and sat, resting his elbows on his knees. He’d helped so many over the years, and now, when he needed help the most, God was silent about it, instead pushing him to help another.

“What if I say no, God? What difference will it make to me?”

It will make a difference to me.

“It doesn’t matter. I won’t leave her. I won’t leave Jemi while she’s—” Fear gripped his stomach in a tight clamp, and he ran back to his wife’s room. But he found her still sleeping. The same shallow puffs lifting herchest. For a moment, he’d been certain God had taken her so he would go help.

You’ve entrusted everything to me. But not this. Never this.

“What are you talking about?” His throat was tight in desperation. “I’ve given her to you over and over and over again. I don’t know how else to do it.”

Have you? Have you really trusted me with her?

“I don’t want to lose her.”

Whoever gives up anything in my name…

“I know.” His heart pounded with the words that had been resonating there for months, but he refused to give voice to them.

He looked at Jemi. How sick and frail she was. That was never how she was meant to be. She should be fierce and strong. Was he the one who’d taken that away from her? Was it his refusal to let her go that made her stay here sick when God wanted to take her home? It was more likely that Jemi refused to go because she knew it would hurt him so much, and she was waiting for him to let go.

He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned close to her ear. “You’ve always been stronger than me. I don’t want to cause you any more pain. God gave you to me as a gift. You have been an amazing part of my life, but you never belonged to me. You were always His.”

Something released inside of him, but it was a scary freedom that he resisted. It caused him to regret saying the words out loud. He knew it was right, but letting go filled him with too much fear.

“God help me. I can’t do it. How can I let her go?”

Hannah’s message.

He looked at the phone that he’d dropped at the end of the bed. What could she say that would make any difference? It wouldn’t cost him anything to listen.

While holding Jemi’s hand, he called his voicemail again.

“It’s about Burma,” Hannah continued. “I found out someone has been not only exploiting the kids there but helping a militia who have been oppressing the surrounding villages. We know who might be involved, but we need help. I know this is out of the blue, and we haven’t spoken for a long time, so I don’t even know if you’re in a position to, but if you can help at all, please, call me back.”

Peter ended the call.

Go.

He didn’t need God to speak into his heart on the matter. He already knew what was required. But Jemi wasn’t expected to last the week. How could he go now? He studied her face, trying to remember what it used to look like when her cheeks and eyes weren’t sunken. She had always been a beautiful woman, but it was her spirit that had captured him. He missed talking to her and sharing his world with him.

Will you trust her with me?

“I don’t know if I can.”

Go.

“Will you keep her alive until I get back?”

Go!

He made a noise between a whimper and a growl but leaned into Jemi and kissed her forehead. “I love you, my darling. You mean the world to me, and I knowI can leave you in no better care than the Father’s.” He almost requested she hang on until he got back, but he resisted the urge.

“Please, God. Look after her.”

With his heart in a vise, he went into the other room to call Hannah back. It was impossible to ignore God’s command. He’d trained it into himself over the years and didn’t know any other way to function. He’d spent his whole life leaning not on his own understanding no matter how much it hurt or what it cost him.

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