Page 7 of Hidden Depths

Lifting the cereal box, she held it poised over the bowl. It was the same breakfast she had every morning, because sameness meant safety to her.

But as she started to tip it, she grunted, then planted the box on the counter, sliding it back into place against the wall before pulling the toaster from under the sink. She smiled as she dropped a couple slices of bread into it. It was a small thing, but she’d take any win she could get.

While she waited for the bread to toast, she pressed her fingertips into the countertop and took several cleansing breaths. There had to be a way to overcome this for good. This couldn’t be the rest of her life.

That’s when she decided—it was time—with such striking clarity that her eyes widened.

“Today’s the day,” she said, unable to pinpoint exactly why that thought shot so resolutely into her soul after years of searching for it. But she wouldn’t question a gift that had dropped into her lap out of nowhere. She latched onto it, unwilling to let go. Until the toast popped out.

When she went to the fridge and discovered she’d run out of butter, she deflated.

Maybe it was a mistake to move on. Maybe this was her lot in life. She had no reason to believe more was possible.

Then she remembered her mom, and her eyes filled with tears.

She breathed in deeply to push them back and extinguish the memory of her mom sitting on the edge of her bed. Sara had had her face tucked into her knees, burying her head as she’d cried.

“You have so much life left to live. Failing one test in high school is not the end of the world because high school is not your world.”

“But itismy world.”

“No. It’s a stop on the journey. And it’s not even a big one. Everything changes once you get out of there.”

“I won’t get into a good college if I fail all my tests.”

“But you won’t keep failing. You know exactly why you did poorly. We’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“How? Did Dad suddenly decide he doesn’t need me to follow him across the country so he looks good with his family on his arm at some stupid political debate?”

“That’s not why you failed, and you know it. If you’re going to blame others for your mistakes, then you won’t get anywhere in life. There is so much life has to offer you, but the only way to get it is to take responsibility for yourself. You had plenty of time to study, and you chose to sulk instead. Get your attitude right, and you can be whoever you want. Do whatever you want.”

Sara had sniffed, then looked at her mom with bleary red eyes. “I want to be a Navy Seal.”

Her mom had snorted, holding back a laugh as her green eyes sparkled in humor. The same eyes Sara had to look at in the mirror each day. “Okay, maybe not anything.”

Sara had soon found herself laughing, and everything had made sense again. Her mom had been right. She’d allowed her attitude to dictate the world around her. That’s what she was doing now. She wasn’t in danger anymore. Time had proven that. But she’d allowed herself to drown in fear for years.

A tightness in her throat lifted to her eyes, and she squeezed them shut. She still had her mom’s words, but not her mom.

“I don’t know how to get over this. Is there even a right time? Do I get to make that decision for myself?”

Adingfilled the empty space that followed her question.

She scrambled for her phone and looked at the text.

Morning, sweetie. Hope to see you this morning. Today’s the day! ?? Margaret

Sara stared at the message. Margaret was one of the acquaintances she’d made. The wife of a pastor of a local church she’d stepped into a year ago and attended a handful of times.

Margaret never pressured her about her attendance. But every time they spoke, the woman always knew exactly what to say. It reminded her of her mom.

“Today’s the day,” Sara repeated. “Yes. Okay. I’ll take that as a sign, or whatever. I don’t care. It’s time.”

She tossed the now-cool toast into the garbage and went to get dressed quickly so she could get to church early and ask what Margaret had meant by the message. She couldn’t have read Sara’s mind, but why else would she have said it?

She had to know. Margaret must have an answer for her.

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