Page 56 of Hidden Ascent

“I didn’t. I’m sorry that you think I’m such a bad guy that God wouldn’t want to do that for me.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“I told you if you said that one more time, I wouldn’t believe you anymore.”

She grunted and kicked a pillar. “I’m not good at this.”

“What? Apologizing for being judgmental?”

“No.” She faced him. “I’m not good at being vulnerable.” Her mouth snapped shut. That’s what happened when you got emotional. You said and did things you never meant to.

Jay stepped up to her so he was standing so close it was hard to breathe.

“What about this makes you vulnerable?” he said, tipping his head to the side.

He wasn’t touching her, but he may as well have been. She had to step back to catch her breath. “You want to know the truth?”

“It’s a good place to start.”

“I’ve been a Christian for a long time. Since I was a kid. You’ve been doing this for a few days, and you already have—”

She was surprised at the tears that pushed into her eyes. She squeezed them closed before she continued.

“Sorry. I told you I’m not good at this.”

“You’re doing just fine. What is it you think I have that you don’t?”

“I trust God, but He’s always been far away from me. My whole life, I’ve explained it away by making excuses about Him being too busy with more important things. But deep down, I wonder. Peter talks about letting God get close, but I’ve never been able to.”

“You think Peter’s not telling you the truth?”

“I look up to Peter and Jemi. They’re heroes of the faith, so it makes sense that God would be close to them.”

“But not me.”

“Not because of your past but because you’re new. If God is close to Peter and he’s close to you, then where does that leave me?”

“Isla, I’m probably not the best person to explain how God works, but one thing should be clear to you. God used me to save your life. I’m pretty sure that makes you the focus of this little jaunt through the city, not me.”

“Then why didn’t He tellmehow to get away to safety?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re not a good listener.”

She laughed. “That can’t be it.”

“Seriously though, if you don’t expect Him to speak to you, then that would make it hard to hear when He does. Or maybe He wants you to know you can trust me.”

“I—” She did trust him, despite her best efforts. And she knew it wasn’t fair to him for her to try so hard to see him through the eyes of his past. It might keep her safe from him, but that didn’t make it right. “I’m sorry.”

“For which thing?”

“Hey, I’m trying to be serious here.”

“I accept your apology.”

“And I do trust you. Thank you for coming back for me.”

“I never left. And I won’t. You can count on me to be in this thing until the end.”

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