Page 54 of Hidden Ascent

“Well, yeah, but you’re—”

“What? A criminal incapable of doing anything good?”

Her lips flattened. “I was going to say you’re mixed up in this because of me. You had no reason to help me past the fundraiser. If you were the one who’d been caught, I would have had an obligation to rescue you.”

“You would have been obligated.”

“Yeah.”

He scoffed and walked in a circle before coming back to her. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”

“What did I say?”

“I save you, and you can’t say, ‘Thanks, Jay. That was really nice of you to come back for me.’ No, you’ve got to question my motives, and then you have the audacity to tell me that obligation would be the only reason my life would be worth saving.”

“You’re twisting my words.”

“You sure about that? Or maybe Peter was right.”

“About what?”

“You have a nasty habit of looking at everything in black and white.”

“What’s wrong with that? It keeps things simple and straightforward. Everything we’re facing now is because of me. It was my duty to make sure you got away unharmed. You had no reason to put your life on the line for me again.”

“Maybe it’s because I care. Your way sucks the life out of everything. I don’t want to live my life like that.”

She shoved her hands onto her hips as both of their voices were raising. “Letting your emotions interfere with your actions when under pressure only puts you at greater risk. Besides, you’re telling me that all that work you did for the criminal underworld is because you care so much about them?”

“I knew it. You’re never going to get past the things I’ve done. To you, I will always be an outlaw incapable of good, no matter what God has done for me. You may as well damn me to hell.”

“That’s not true.” The volume of her retort didn’t reflect how she actually felt. His words had knocked the wind out of her. She could deny it all she wanted, but everything he said was right. She did believe his motives couldn’t be driven by good. She thought it made things easier to believe a man like him would never change. Especially when he was beginning to break through her defenses.

“I’m not proud of the things I’ve done over the years.” He shifted on his feet and kept his eyes on the ground. “But the best thing I ever did was when I nearly drowned in the ocean the other night. Giving my life to God, even though I still don’t fully understand what happened, was the most important thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. Now, I’m trying my best to do things His way.”

“You’ve been a Christian for like five minutes,” she mumbled, then winced. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean it like that.”

“You keep saying that. One more time, and I won’t believe you anymore.”

His sarcasm bit deep.

“What I’m trying to say is, it’s not you. It’s me.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“You’re making jokes now? I thought you hated me.”

“I don’t hate you. I’m frustrated because you have this tendency to use my past to keep me at arm’s length, and it’s irritating.”

“That’s just it. I’m not good at letting people close. It’s the way it is.”

“It doesn’t have to be. Aren’t you close to Peter and Jemi?”

“That’s different.”

“Why?”

“Because it is. Can we change the subject, please?”

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