Page 21 of Hidden Ascent

“Would you be willing to tell me if you deserved to be thrown in the ocean to drown in the first place?”

“You think someone wanted me dead?”

“You thought I was here to finish the job, so I thought maybe someone tossed you in the water, hoping that would do it. You obviously have more grit than they gave you credit for. A man like you they would have taken out wide. You must have swum a long way.”

Jay didn’t respond right away but finally said, “I’m not a good man, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Peter shrugged. “Maybe.”

“No one left me in the middle of the ocean. I swam out there because I was trying to escape who I’d become.”

“You wanted to end it all?”

“Not exactly. My intention in going out there wasn’t to kill myself.”

“Then why did you think I was here to kill you?”

“Because of what I did before my swim.”

“So you were running away?”

“Not from that. I was running away from myself. But then, when I got out there, I realized I couldn’t make it back. I actually thought you already knew that.”

“Why?”

“Because you said God sent you.”

“He did. But He hasn’t told me anything about you. For example, you say you’re a bad man, but you believe in God.”

“Bad men don’t believe in God?”

“Perhaps ‘believe’ wasn’t the right word. I should have said trust. But then, there are none who are righteous. We all start out bad. It’s only Jesus who changes that.”

“We don’t start out the same kind of bad. If you knew the things I’d done, you’d understand.”

“But you trust in God?”

“I do now.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“There’s not much to tell. I should be dead. I was drowning after swimming out into the ocean, and I asked Jesus for help. I don’t even know what that means, and I can’t explain how I made it back to shore alive, but here I am. And here you are.”

“That explains a few things.”

“I’m glad one of us knows what’s going on. I don’t even know why I’m telling you any of this. I can hear myself talking. I know how crazy I sound.”

“Except that you’re talking to the right guy. You don’t sound crazy at all. It sounds to me like you’re finally paying attention. God has always had a plan and a purpose for your life. It’s just taken you a while to get on board with his plan.”

“Which brings me back to our original problem.”

“And that is?”

“That I’m not a good man. If God wants to use me, that’s up to Him. I meant what I said out there. My life belongs to Jesus now. But if I told you what I’ve done, you would wish you never helped me.”

“Why? Did you kill someone?”

“More than one.”

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