“No, I’m sorry. It’s just so much better to forget about that.”
I reach across the table, touching her hand. She moves her thumb over my knuckles like trying to comfort herself, distract herself.
“I’d make an exception for you,” I go on, “if you wanted to keep acting?—”
“There’s noifabout it.”
“I’d make sure you could,” I tell her. “If my father had a problem with the break in tradition, he could go to hell. If anybody else had something to say, they’d have to say it to my face. I can seehow much you love acting. When you were speaking about that school play, you lit up. I couldn’t take that away from you.”
“It’s a dangerous game, giving me hope,” she murmurs.
“Hope for what? Hope that you can forgive me?”
“I don’t have to forgive you,” she says, her hand getting tighter on mine.
“The farmhouse?—”
“Yeah, but I don’t have toforgiveyou for that,” she says. “You didn’t kidnap me. You saved me.”
“You saw a part of me I never wanted you to see. I lost it. I never lose it. Hell, Elena, before you came along, I don’t think I snapped once in my entire life. I don’t think I felt a moment of passion, but you’ve changed me. You’ve brought something out I didn’t know was there.”
She blinks, her eyes glistening.
“Hey…” I move around the table, kneeling next to her. “It’s okay.”
“I’m not crying.” She rubs her cheeks. “I need to toughen up. Heck, before you, Iwastough, so ditto. You’ve also brought something out in me, but you can’t make promises about the acting thing.”
“Yes, I can,” I counter. “I promise you if you …” If she what? Wants to marry me for real? What are we even discussing here? “You won’t have to sacrifice your passion.”
A smile makes the corner of her mouth twitch. I lean up, tempted by her lips, but she turns her face away again. This time, I don’t kiss her on the cheek. It’s too private here. Despiteeverything, she’s too goddamn appealing to me. It’s like there’s something deep inside telling me toclaimher.
When I return to my seat, she says, “Thank you.” I don’t know if she means my promise or that I didn’t kiss her.
“I can put it in writing if you want,” I say jokingly, reading the look on her face.
“Why would you say that?”
“You seem to doubt me.”
“No. I was just thinking …”
“About what?”
She sighs. “We’re talking about me still being an actor if anything about this thing, us, can be real. It doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t belong in your world. Your dad would never approve. My aunt would never approve.”
“Maybe you weren’t born in this world,” I growl, “butbelongis a tricky word. Maybe you belong with me.”
“So it was love at first sight?” she says bitterly.
“Life is complicated,” I say huskily. “It’s not like movies. It’s not like books. Love at first sight is overrated. However, feeling, certainty,knowingthat you were different and special the moment I saw you, that’s a fact, and I don’t care if you think I’m just saying this or it’s lame. It’s the truth.”
“I felt the same,” she whispers, holding my eyes with such intensity I want to kiss her again. “But …” She bites down.
“It’s okay. You can say it.”
“That was before I saw your dark side.”
“Can you ever accept it, Elena?” I say, my voice getting as low as my feelings when I think about this ending. It was always going to end, but it feels unfair now, somehow. “Sometimes a man has to do bad things to stop worse things from happening.”