Page 159 of Surprisingly Us

Rhys is going out with the guys tonight. Even though he’d teased me about Chloe inviting him to book club, when it came down to it, he decided to hang out with the guys at a bar to play pool instead.

When I step out onto the sidewalk, Hannah’s already there in a black SUV.

“Hey, thanks for picking me up,” I say, climbing in.

“Of course. It’s good to see you and I’m happy to have a moment alone to catch up.”

We’ve been texting, but it’s the first time I’ve seen her since before my last weekend at Lake George.

“How are you feeling after the weekend?” she asks.

“I’m okay. It was hard to watch my parents, how different they are around each other now, but it was nice to have Rhys there.”

“I was shocked when you said he showed up. Not because he wouldn’t want to be there for you, but because he really hadn’t been there since his parents died.”

“I know, but besides the melancholy of packing up our house, it was a good weekend.” I swallow and give Hannah a sly smile. “We hooked up.”

“Oh my god. Really?!”

“Yeah. I was worked up from reading this book.” I motion to the paperback peeking out of Hannah’s Berkin. “And also sad about my parents, which maybe hooking up is a weird thing to want to do when you’re sad, but it was a lot of emotion and I just wanted to get lost for a moment.”

“Good for you. I think it’s great that you’re getting that experience with him. I think it will make pursuing future relationships easier.”

I let her words sink in. Since this arrangement with Rhys started, I haven’t given any thought to future relationships. I had originally planned for this to be a jumping off point to get experience, but now I’m having a hard time imagining not being with him. Even though we’re fake engaged, the conversations, the kisses, and the orgasms are very real. The thought of dating someone else makes my stomach hurt and the skin on my chest start to tingle.

“Yeah, maybe.” I lick my lips, pressing a hand to my chest to calm the itchy skin there.

“At first I thought this arrangement was crazy, but now I’m seeing that it’s been beneficial for you. You just needed a guy like Rhys who’s all confidence and smooth charm to ease you into the world of dating.”

“Um, I think I want to have sex with him,” I blurt out.

The driver stops at a red light and we both lurch forward.

“Oh.” Hannah straightens, but I can’t read her expression behind her oversized sunglasses. “I’d say if that’s what you want to do, then you should go for it.”

“Yeah?” Had I been expecting her to be against it? To try and talk me out of it?

“I think Rhys will be the perfect guy for your first time. He’s experienced, and I’m sure he’ll make it memorable. My first time with Ryan Haskins in the back seat of his car was not great. And at least with Rhys you two can agree on what the expectations are.”

While we’d agreed to keep our touches and kisses to public appearances only, over the last week, that rule has gone out the window. Now we’re kissing and touching simply because it feels good. He held me all night when I learned my parents were getting divorced and the fact that he had his head between my thighs on Saturday night made it seem like we’d abandoned those rules altogether. Besides, Rhys had said I could make the rules and he’d follow along.

But that doesn’t mean he was offering to have sex with me.

I bite down on my lip. “Do you think I just ask him?”

She turns to me, angling her body in a conspiratorial way before lifting her sunglasses to the top of her head.

“Okay. This is Rhys, right? I think if this is only about sex and you losing your virginity, then you should focus on that.”

“As opposed to?”

“Feelings. Don’t talk about feelings. That will only freak him out.”

I consider this.

The problem is, I do have feelings for him. He’s the only man I want to take this next step with, but if I admit my feelings will it send him running? Will he deny me because he doesn’t want to lead me on?

Maybe Hannah’s right. The only way to approach this is to make it casual. That’s what Rhys is comfortable with.

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