“You’ll know soon.” Mom’s eyes twinkle. “I love you both.” She twirls her fingers through the hair at my nape, like she always used to do. “Go ahead up. Rest for a bit.” She nods toward the fire escape ladder. “I’ll see you again, soon.”
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“Nowhere. I’ll be right here. —head up.”
Si tugs on my sleeve.
Mom steps back and disappears around the corner of the building as swiftly as she appeared.
The world blurs for a moment, and then pulls back into focus.
I follow behind Si, and we climb the clinking iron ladder to the second floor window. He slips inside and invites me to follow.
“Welcome.”
He kisses my lips, once I’ve stepped through the frame, and shuts the window behind me.
“This is it,” Si wings his arms out and slowly spins.
“My entire apartment fits in your bedroom.” I comment with a chuckle.
“I love your studio!” Si bounces into my arms and pecks my lips. “Come here, I’ll show you, my place is so bland.”
He grabs my hand and leads me up a hallway.
“There’s the bathroom,” he points. “This is a storage closet, that’s the spare bedroom, and this is the living space.” He turns back, smiling.
I take in the bright white walls, sparsely decorated with a few massive paintings like an art gallery, and trimmed with elaborate crown molding. High ceilings, hardwood floors, and sparse furniture make the place feel like a grand showroom. A gourmet kitchen is tucked into the corner with stainless steel appliances, and matching pendant lights, aimed down onto marble countertops.
“You lived here by yourself?
“Yup.” His lips narrow and shrug to the side of his face. His shoulders curl and cheeks flush.
I get a flash of his life in my mind. He’s been so lonely for so long. This grand apartment makes the tall lanky man look like a lost boy. My chest cracks in two and I sweep his cheek with the back of my fingers.
His eyes spark and he nuzzles into my touch.
“Are you hungry?” He twists to spin toward the kitchen but pauses and turns back. “Do we get hungry?” he asks and giggles?
I shrug. “I do feel really sleepy.”
“Nothing feels different . . . Shouldn’t we feel different?”
“Maybe not?” I chuckle.
I always wondered how the spirits didn’t know they were dead. It makes sense now. Everything feels the same, just a bit lighter, for lack of a better term. I don’t feel such dread and sadness anymore. My mind is gaining clarity the longer we step away from this plane of existence. Si’s familiarity to me goes back further than that bouncing baby in the swing. It goes back lifetimes. He and I have always been connected.
“Can we go lie down?” I yawn.
“Mm-hmm.” His eyes droop too.
He takes my hand and walks me back to his bedroom. He climbs onto the bed and kneels, waiting for me to join him.
I roll onto the mattress and lay my head on his pillows. They smell like him, heaven.
Si curls into my arms and his warmth is all I need…
We both drift off.