Page 38 of Her Older Sheikh

I end up brushing my teeth thrice, but my mouth still feels disgustingly dirty even after several rounds of gargling. I know I'm being stupid, but then...that's really what I am, isn't it?

You're so stupid, self!

Sobs clog my throat as my mind taunts me with all the other times I acted so, sostupidbecause of him. Does he know how I used to wait for him every morning at the cafe? Was he secretly laughing at me when I told him I wasdyingto have a taste of his cum?

And to think I even asked him—-

I loved him so much, oh God, loved him so, so much that I actually asked if I was any good at giving him head.

You're so DAMN stupid, self!

Pain nearly buries me alive, and I almost end up smashing the vanity mirror with my bare hands. How can I ever bear to look at myself again, knowing what an idiot I've been, to let myself believe that someone like Rashad can love someone like me?

Despair tempts me into staying in bed all day and wallow in my misery, but I manage somehow to go through the motions of living as I take a shower and change out of my pajamas.

It's almost eleven in the morning when I finally step out of the bedroom, and my phone rings as I pull the door shut.

"Hey." It's Brian again. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"You're...what?"

Brian sighs. "You obviously forgot about our date, but that's fine. I'm happy to wait while you do whatever it is girls do to get ready. See you, babe."

He hangs up before I can tell him I'm not up to going out, and I have a feeling he knew what I had been about to say as well.

A date is the last thing I'm in the mood for, but since I would never have known the truth if not for him...

I'm still thinking about what to do with Brian when I belatedly notice my grandfather looking up at me from the landing, a strained expression on his face.

"You have a visitor, Maddy."

"I know." I force myself to smile as I descend the last few steps. "I promised Bri—-" My voice trails off when I realize that it's not actually Brian standing behind Grandpa...buthim.

"Just hear him out this once," Grandpa says quietly. "And if you still do not wish to see him after this, I give you my word that he will never bother you again."

Chapter Eleven

Paco tells us gruffly to make use of his study for privacy, and Madeleine walks past me without looking my way.

I follow her inside and close the door behind me. She stiffens visibly as soon as I turn around to face her, and remorse slashes into me when I see that her eyes are puffy from crying.

"I'm sorry, Madeleine."

"You're forgiven." Her words come out stilted, and I have my first taste of fear when she still refuses to look my way.

In the past, she used to stare at me all the time.

She even called me Mr. Mine, back when she didn't know who I was.

Have I lost her for good?

"I know you have every right to hate me," I say tautly, "but if you could let me explain..."

Madeleine lifts her shoulders in an awkward shrug. "I just don't see the point—-"

"The point," I cut in grimly, "is thatI love you."

And that's when she finally looks at me.

---