Page 70 of Hold Him Like Gravity

Did I sit up to watch his firm ass as he walked away? Yes, yes, I did.

It took him a while to come back, and I realized why when he walked in carrying a pint of ice cream and two spoons.

“Figure we worked off enough of dinner to get some dessert now.”

And it was just the most perfect night ever.

Eventually, we curled up on the bed, me resting with my head right over his heart, his hand draped casually around my hip.

His lips pressed into the top of my head.

“I’m gonna stay for a while,” he told me as I started to drift off to sleep. “But I’m gonna go home before morning. Just didn’t want you to wake up alone and think the worst,” he said.

“Okay,” I sighed.

And that was the last thing I knew that night.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Kick

The next two weeks were similar.

I went to work.

Sometimes I saw Rico, sometimes not.

Which, I reminded myself frequently, was for the best. Because the guilt was already eating me up. Having to face him when I had stolen money stashed in my pants or sweater or purse would have been just too much.

I would leave work and head to the Bronx, doing some more staking out of convenience stores.

Then I would get home and hope Rico would show up.

Some nights he did and always with food.

But some nights he didn’t.

And I couldn’t shake the dark cloud that clung to me those times. Even if I knew I was getting too close to him, that I was risking everything. But most of all, my heart.

Though, if I were being honest, it was too late.

It was already his.

More so than my heart had ever belonged to anyone.

Each time I thought of that, I couldn’t stop the tears from flooding my eyes. I was emotional every moment of the day.Crying in the bathroom at work. Crying in the cold and dark as I waited to see if I could find Kyle coming out of a bodega. In the shower in the morning. On the way home from dropping off the money to Kyle after demanding to see proof of my brother being okay.

I was both the happiest and saddest I’d ever been.

Happiest only in the stolen moments when I was in Rico’s arms. Miserable in every other moment.

It all seemed so completely and utterly hopeless.

Until, on one frigid night, the wind whipping lazy, wet snow flurries around, freezing me all the more, it finally happened.

I saw Kyle.

Coming out not of a bodega, but a Chinese food place.

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