Page 52 of Depraved Desires

After clocking out, I tipped out the DJ and the bartender, then made my way to the front desk where Rocky was waiting. I handed the receptionist a wad of cash for my fee and then started for the front doors.

Neither of us said a word as we made our way through the parking lot. Annoyance was eating away at me from how he’d been acting. It was always mixed signals with him. One minute, he seemed to want me, and the next…he was MIA, acting like I never existed.

“Here, let me,” he said, hurrying to open the passenger-side door for me.

I muttered a thanks and slipped inside, my head reeling from what had just happened. Part of me was thankful that I didn’t have to screw that guy, but the other part of me needed answers.

Once he was inside the vehicle next to me, he shifted his body in my direction. “I wanted to talk to you before Monroe had the chance to,” he explained, confusing me further. “I told you before that my situation was complicated?—”

“Complicated in what way?” I demanded. “Because how you left the other day without an explanation was fucked up. Especially since you didn’t even bother to text me at all.” Heat spread through my veins just remembering how that had made me feel.

He sighed and leaned his head back against his seat. Whatever was going on, he didn’t want to tell me about. That much was clear.

“I’m not boyfriend material,” he finally said.

I never even knew I wanted a boyfriend, but I definitely didn’t want to be a notch on someone’s belt. Not anymore. “And I’m not fuck-buddy material. So, if that’s what you’re looking for, find someone else.”

I’ve done a lot of fucked up shit in my life. Screwed people’s boyfriends, had a lot of casual hook-ups, did a lot of things that once upon a time ago, I was proud of. But that wasn’t me anymore. I was still fucked up, but I wanted to be different. It took me a long time to realize it but being lusted after actually felt terrible. It also gave you a bad reputation—one that was impossible to bounce back from.

“That’s another thing,” Rocky continued. “I already have a fuck-buddy.”

This caught my attention. Now it was all making sense. The black-haired girl he’d been fucking in Talissa’s office. I couldn’t even remember her name. Disbelief coursed through me, and I shook my head, my lip curling in a snarl.

“You’re a piece of shit,” I finally said. “I really thought you were different.”

“Aspen, please. Just listen to me.” He reached over the center console and took my hand in his. “This was never intentional. I never intended to start liking you, and even when I realized I did like you, I didn’t intend to act on it. You have to believe me.”

While Rocky has been less than forthcoming, he’s never lied to me. For my own piece of mind, I didn’t want to believe him, but knew sincerity when I saw it. He wouldn’t be here right now, practically begging me to believe him if he didn’t give a shit.

“Fine. Whatever,” I growled. “But you’re still a piece of shit for not being up front with me about this in the first place.”

He nodded. “I know. I really am sorry, but I still want to help you. I’ll be more accessible, I promise. I was just struggling…”

“Struggling?” I pried. “With what?”

“Liking you,” he said without hesitation. “And my arrangement with Dixie. I’m not really supposed to fuck other girls.”

I snorted in amusement. “Sounds like she’s your girlfriend then.”

He was silent for a moment, a confused expression taking hold of his features. I wasn’t an expert on relationships by any means, but I did know a few things. To me, it sounded like this chick roped him into some type of informal relationship. Kind of like Madison had done with Collin; except he wasn’t stupid enough to fall for it.

The night sky fell over us like a blanket. Christmas was fast approaching, and day by day, the nights grew colder. Hugging my jacket tightly around me in an attempt to stay warm, my breath came out shallow, pushing out clouds of condensed air.

“Oh shit,” Rocky said. “I’m so sorry.” He quickly started the car and made sure the heat was on high.

Instantly, the warm air flooded the car, seeping into my skin and forcing the chills away. “Thanks,” I muttered, rubbing my hands together.

Images of the other night invaded my mind. The way he dominated me in that bedroom was rare to find in guys these days. The way he felt would forever be engraved into my memories, forcing me to recount one of the best lays of my life. Not to mention, he had such an authentic personality that was impossible to find in anyone these days.

“What are you thinking about?” he questioned, keeping his voice soft.

Glancing over at him, I shrugged. “That you suck,” I teased, a playful smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

He sighed and reached over the console once again, taking my hand in his. I wasn’t even sure when he’d released my hand the last time, but my thoughts have been consuming me from the inside out. The warmth of his hand was a good contrast compared to the icy-feel of mine.

“I know,” he admitted. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. Not when I have too much shit going on; it was selfish of me.”

I nodded in agreement, not sure what else to say. I wasn’t used to people taking accountability for their own actions. It wasn’t like I could be too mad about it anyways. Take where I work for example, or the fact that me and Rocky weren’t a couple. It wasn’t my place to flip out the way I did.

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