Page 42 of Depraved Desires

Hunter blew out a breath, his posture going rigid. “There’s no way of knowing. I’d be surprised if she hadn’t already gone to them.”

The thought was enough to have bile rising to the back of my throat while paranoia coiled around my gut. I couldn’t get arrested, couldn’t live the rest of my days in a maximum-security prison where I’d be separated from the guys. We had to do something about Aspen, I just didn’t know what.

There was no time to finish our conversation due to Foster sauntering into the room with a plate of steaming food. My mouth salivated at the sight, my gaze sweeping across the tray and taking note of the chicken fried steak and veggies sitting off to the side. Academy food topped hospital food any day.

“You’re able to feed yourself, right?” Foster asked, placing a bottle of water down on my bedside table.

I rolled my eyes. “My wrist was sprained, not broken.” And even then, it was a light sprain. The real pain was my collapsed lung and bruised ribs.

Foster gently sat the tray of food in my lap and handed me the silverware I’d be needing in order to eat. I was propped up enough that it was manageable, so I quietly dug in while Foster and Hunter immersed themselves in a conversation about Rocky and how he deserved to pay for this.

The gravy melted in my mouth, warming my throat with every bite. This was heaven compared to what I’d been eating the last few days.

“Where’s he been sneaking off to lately anyways?” Foster demanded, piquing my interest.

I swallowed; my brows pinched in confusion. “What do you mean?”

They both turned to face me in synchronization, their movements seemingly robotic.

“He’s been late to the gym on Saturdays, sometimes has to leave early, I caught him running through the parking lot last week away from the academy; something feels weird,” Foster supplied. “Like he’s up to something.”

While Rocky has always been a thorn in our sides, he seemed harmless for the most part. We did our trades and that was that. Never had any issues. We didn’t like each other, but it never got out of hand.

“Maybe he’s fucking Miss Raleigh in secret,” Hunter joked.

“I doubt it,” I mumbled, drawing their attention back to me. “He walks around like he’s full of morals and like we’re beneath him.”

“Could be a guise,” Foster interjected. “Why else would he be sneaking around the teacher’s apartment complex?”

That was a good question, one we definitely needed to find out the answer to. Even if it was to catch him in the act with Miss Raleigh, it would be good leverage. I shrugged and took another bite, savoring the taste. I was too broken to do anything right now anyways; it would have to wait until I’d healed more.

My muscles relaxed as the pain medicine filled my veins, dulling the ache that had been there before. Foster had left earlier inthe day, but Hunter had been adamant about staying with me and was currently passed out in my armchair, his neck in an uncomfortable looking position.

A sigh fluttered past my lips as my gaze drifted to the TV mounted to the wall, the black screen staring back at me. The drug forced me into a relaxed state, though it didn’t stop my thoughts from wandering. I was tired of thinking, tired of being paranoid, tired of the guilt that ate away at me every single day, and most of all, I was tired of playing by everyone else’s rules. I’d been a coward before; fiercely loyal to the point that I did everything asked of me. That had to stop. It was time for me to make my own choices, regardless of who was against it.

My eyes darted over to the window where the curtains were slightly parted to give me a view of the dark blue sky, indicating it was officially nighttime. Being holed up in my room all day did nothing for my depression, making it consume me entirely as I had nothing but my thoughts to keep me company throughout most of the day.

Classes seemed even less important than they had before, making me question why I was still going along with this charade. After ending up in the hospital, I was way behind on my work with no hope of catching up. Not to mention the many days I’d missed before that.

Hunter shifted, forcing my gaze back to him right as his eyes met mine. “You’re still awake?” he grumbled, cracking his neck as he re-positioned himself in the chair.

“I’m on drugs, remember?” I challenged.

He snorted at that and then proceeded to rub the sleep from his eyes. “I wish I was. I’ve been sober for three days.” My eyebrows rose at that admission, hope filling my chest.

I’d seen the empty pill bottles lying around his room, but never bothered to point it out. We were both coping in our own way at the time; it would have been hypocritical of me to sayanything. Knowing Hunter had been suffering too brought me a sense of comfort. Myles and Foster didn’t seem like they could be bothered, almost like neither of them had a soul or any set of morals. It made me feel alone, which was much worse.

“I can’t get her out of my head,” I admitted, surprising even myself.

This time it was Hunter’s turn to raise his eyebrows in surprise. “In what way?” he asked, intertwining his fingers together within his lap like this was a therapist’s office and he was the shrink.

I lifted a shoulder in a shrug, unsure of how much I should tell him. He made it clear on how he felt about Aspen. She was nothing to him, and all he’d wanted to do was break her in the end. But I was tired of the secrets between us, of the unsaid words. We were all in this together. Ever since she came to see me, she’s all I’ve been able to think about, and knowing she was still alive changed everything.

“I want her forgiveness. She didn’t deserve what she got, regardless of all the twisted shit you said and did to her. She didn’t deserve it.” My eyes searched his as I stared him down with an intense gaze, finally owning up to the things I wanted.

His bottom lip slipped between his teeth as he contemplated what I’d just said. He was silent for a long moment, my heart thumping with every second that passed between us.

Finally, he blew out a breath. “I only said those things to hurt her,” he admitted. “I never truly believed them. We were always in the wrong, and I’d always been acutely aware of that. But if it’s forgiveness you’re wanting from her, I don’t think you’ll get it.”

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