Page 5 of Depraved Desires

Groaning, I pulled myself into a sitting position. Guilt snaked around my heart like a noose and bile rose to the back of my throat, burning the contents within my system along the way. I couldn’t keep dwelling on this. They were dead and nothing was going to change that.

Climbing out of bed, I gathered some clothes and slipped into the bathroom. I took a quick shower, got dressed, brushed my teeth, and fixed my hair. I missed classes yesterday and I knew I’d start looking guilty if I kept this up. Maybe that was just paranoia talking, but it wasn’t worth the risk.

Skipping out on breakfast, I headed to my first period. If I ate, I’d just throw it up anyways and get sent back to my room or the nurse. Starving seemed like a better alternative.

When lunch rolled around, my stomach was grumbling profusely. Maybe if I just ate something small…

My gaze drifted over to the lunch line, the scent of food wafting in my direction. Fuck this shit. I couldn’t survive off of water alone. With my mind made up, I stormed over to the kitchen, skipping the line altogether. Nobody bothered to protest as I walked by, making a beeline for the soup station. Grabbing a helping of chicken broth and pairing it with a bottle of water, I started in the direction of the guys who sat around the table in our usual spot.

Foster saw me first, his jaw ticking slightly with annoyance. I didn’t really give a damn howannoyedhe was though. Nothing about this was okay. He was mad about me skipping classes yesterday and Monday, but it would have been worse had I been around people the way I was. Today was even a risk.

“You look like shit,” Hunter pointed out as I slipped into the seat beside him.

“I wonder why.”

My chest ached as the memories came rushing to the forefront of my brain once again. With a shaky hand, I lifted my spoon and placed it into the broth, scooping out a good portion of liquid and bringing it to my lips. The warm soup coated my lips and tongue as it slithered down my throat, warming my system. A shudder of satisfaction rolled through me. This has been the first time I’ve even been able to think about food since everything. My attempts of eating prior resulted in a gnarly upchuck reflex.

Myles laughed at something, capturing my attention. His gaze was fixated on his phone, amusement swirling within those devilish eyes of his. How could he act so normal after what he’d done? How could any of them?

Foster leaned forward, my eyes moving to him again. “You need to straighten your shit out,” he hissed in a low voice. “You’re acting guilty as fuck.”

Anger bubbled up inside of me. I knew I couldn’t make a scene here, so I bit my tongue in order to keep myself from lashing out. I’d never considered Foster to be psychopathic before. He’s always had a good head on his shoulders and has usually been pretty rational in his decisions—with the exception of Aspen. For some reason, that girl pressed all his buttons and because of it, it cost her.

Taking a long breath, I slowly exhaled. I could feel them all staring, waiting to see how I’d react. This might have made me feel sick to my stomach, but I wasn’t an idiot.

“I don’t know how you do it,” I muttered with a shake of my head. I wanted to say so much more but knew this wasn’t the place to do it. We all needed to have a serious talk. I didn’t sign up for this shit.

Hunter nudged me gently, forcing me to bring my attention to him. His expression was unreadable, but when he shook his head, I knew I was alone in this. He was just like them.

Returning my attention back to my food, I took another bite. Then another. I didn’t stop until my bowl was empty. When it was, I grabbed my trash and my water, deposited the bowl in the bin and made my way to third period.

Walking alone gave me time to think. Foster was right in a sense. I’d get us all caught if I didn’t straighten myself out. It was just hard. We killed two girls—one of them I really liked. Aspen had been misunderstood, that much was clear. She was rude, independent, sarcastic,mean. None of those traits warranted her dying. I’d been in a jealous stupor over walking in on her and Hunter and hadn’t been thinking straight. That wasn’t an excuse though.

Fuck.

If I could turn back the clock and change it all, I would. It would only be a matter of time before Gia came bombarding us with questions or went to the faculty over it. She knew that Raven was last seen with Hunter. It wouldn’t take much to put two and two together.

Once I reached the classroom, I slipped into my usual seat near the back of the room and took out the things I’d be needing for this period. This was going to be a long, drawn-out week.

As I predicted, the school day was complete shit. Luckily, soccer season was over so at least that was one less thing on my plate. When I made it back to my room, I pulled out the homework I’d missed from being absent the last two days and what had been assigned today.

Laying the material out in front of me as I sat at my desk, my mind wandered. It’s been doing that a lot lately. How the hell was I supposed to concentrate when all I could see was Raven’s lifeless body laying on the ground in a puddle of her own blood while we took turns fucking Aspen—her best friend? My desire and anger drove me that night and I’d made a horrible mistake. One that could never be taken back.

Growling out in frustration, I attempted to push those thoughts to the back of my brain and looked down at the homework sprawled out before me. Reading off each question, I attempted to answer them to the best of my abilities, but it was difficult. Sometimes I had to read the same question over at least three different times. My head was a goddamn mess.

Eventually, I just said, ‘fuck it’ and wrote down whatever. At least my work would be turned in. A bad grade was better than a zero.

A knock sounded at my door, sending goosebumps careening across my skin. Who the hell could that be? I didn’t get many visitors. Madison was busy with her friends today, the guys usually texted beforehand, and I didn’t really have any other friends.

What if it was the cops?

My chest heaved up and down at an excessive rate as I contemplated that. Had the girls already been reported missing? Why were they knocking on my door of all places? I wasn’t the one who murdered them.

Maybe not, but you were still an accessory.

Fuck! Running my hands through my hair, my body trembled from nerves. Maybe I deserved it. They were dead and I was still living like nothing ever happened.

When the knock sounded again, I stood on shaky legs and slowly started making my way to the door. Exhaling, I reached for the knob and opened it.

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