Page 119 of Depraved Desires

By the time I managed to swallow it all down without throwing up, she was clutching her stomach, gasping for breath.

My eyes watered and a new fear had just been unlocked for me. I’d probably have nightmares about this. A shudder rumbled through my body, and I set the remainder of the cookie back on the table.

“Here,” she said, amusement still laced throughout her words. She held out a water bottle and I snatched it graciously.

Unscrewing the cap, I started chugging the damn thing like my life depended on it, and hell, it probably did.

“That,” I began, pointing at the cookie. “Should be fucking illegal.”

Another giggle slipped past her lips. “Yeah. If you want to survive here, then never accept anything that Caroline cooks. The only thing she’s good at is making margaritas.”

I shook my head in disgust, but that quickly faded as I took in the girl standing before me. She was laughing—that was a good sign, right? Amusement still tugged at the corners of her mouth, something light sparkling within her eyes. She was stunning. Even more so when she smiled.

As if a dark cloud settled over her, the amusement faded, replaced with something uncertain. She shifted awkwardly on the balls of her feet, probably still plagued by memories of what I’d done.

“Come here,” I ordered softly, holding out my hand.

Aspen glanced down at it, hesitation written into her features and mannerisms. Reluctantly, she moved to sit by me on the bed, ignoring my hand completely. It dipped beneath her weight, but not by much. Shifting her body toward me, she shot me an expectant look.

Worry began to gnaw at me. I’d always considered myself a confident person, at least…in most aspects. I came over here knowing exactly what I wanted to tell her, but now that we were face to face, the thoughts wouldn’t form coherently.

“I’m an asshole.” I breathed, wincing once the words left my mouth.

Smooth, Collin. Real smooth.

She raised an eyebrow. “If this is your way of apologizing, it sucks.”

“I’m trying here, okay.” I shot her a playful look and her expression softened. Summoning the courage, I released a long exhale before continuing. “Iamsorry. Things were going so well, and I just fucked it all to hell.”

Aspen hummed in agreement. “You did.”

“I cut things off with Madison. I think for good this time.”

“Youthink?” she asked in confusion.

My eyes widened when I realized how that must have sounded, and I quickly shook my head. “Not like that,” I backtracked. “I’ve been trying to break things off with her for a while, but she wouldn’t take a fucking hint. I think it finally stuck this time.”

Her shoulders relaxed and after a few moments, she nodded. “Why did you do it? Fuck Payton, I mean. Do you like her?”

My jaw tightened. I wish she could just see inside my head, so I didn’t have to make a failing attempt at explaining it. It was complicated.

“No. I don’t like her. She was just available.” I shrugged, knowing how big of a piece of shit that probably made me out to be. “I wanted you to know I felt when I walked in on you with Myles.”

She bristled, shaking her head. “You’re insane, Collin. I thought you and him both wanted me, like…together. Plus, I thought you ran off to hook up with Madison.”

“That did look bad,” I agreed. “And yeah, I want you to have fun withbothof us, but I wasn’t there, was I?”

She frowned as that sunk in. Her eyebrows dipped again, her mind working overtime to process the small amount ofinformation I’d provided. “I didn’t realize that you both had to be present all the time. It wasn’t like it had been planned.”

She was right. That was an unrealistic ask; something I didn’t take into account before. Sighing, I reached across the bed, sliding my fingers in between hers. The smoothness of her skin grounded me, helped me gather my thoughts more effectively. I knew that if I fucked up with her again, she wouldn’t forgive me. I was lucky she was even willing to hear me out right now.

“My parents left when I was little,” I started. “I lived interchangeably with my aunt and grandmother. Eventually, I was dropped off here and haven’t seen them since.” A humorless laugh slipped past my defenses. To say I had abandonment issues would be a massive understatement. “This isn’t an excuse by any means; I take complete responsibility. But when I see you with the guys and I’m not included, I can’t help but feel a little left out—like you guys would be okay without me.”

“Collin,” she said hesitantly, tightening her hand around mine. “I don’t even like the others. It’s just lust with them. With you…it felt different somehow. You’re the only one who’s really bothered to try to understand me. It felt deeper.”

I didn’t believe for one second that she didn’t feel more for the others. She was still in denial, but that was okay. The way she reacted to them gave her away. The way she looked at them gave her away. Despite knowing this, my heart skipped a beat. Shedidcare for me, and while I’ve been able to notice how she cared for them, I’d become oblivious to her thoughts regardingme.

“Well, I care for you, too. I want you and only you. Will you please give me a chance to prove that to you?”

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