Page 75 of A Sinner's Saint

“It’s not your fault, Vin,” I repeat.

He looks over at me briefly and then curses under his breath as he grabs the chair and throws it aside. It hits the wall with a loud crash, which has the door slamming open and Gio walking in with a gun raised.

I ignore the crowd of people rushing into the room, push up from my hospital bed, and walk over to Vin. I need to help him. I can’t let him spiral because I was a bitch and told him something I should have kept to myself. “Vin, I need you to hug me. I want you to hold me like you’re never going to let go of me ever again. Please.” I brace myself for the rejection I’m sure is going to come.

Vin takes the one step towards me, closing the distance between us. His arms wrap around my back and he tugs me close to his chest. And I feel it. He doesn’t want to let go. But that doesn’t mean he won’t. “I’m sorry,” he whispers while burying his face into the crook of my neck.

“Me too,” I tell him.

I don’t know how long we stand there like this. But by the time I pick my head up and look around the room, the only person left is Gio. He’s leaning against the wall, his ankles crossed and his hands in his pockets.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” I tell Vin. “It’s not your fault.”

“It is,” he says. “I won’t let it happen again. I promise.”

I shake my head. I can’t take any promises from him. I don’t want them. I don’t need them. Now that he seems calmer, I take a step back. “I will be okay. It was just a moment of weakness. I’m fine now. We broke the ice, right? We’ve seen each other, and now we can move on. If I see you around campus, I won’t be so worked up.” I smile, but it’s hard. I know seeing him anywhere is going to be difficult, but I need to do this. I need to maintain the distance. To protect myself.

“Cammi, I’m not going anywhere.” Vin picks up the chair, sets it back on its legs, and then just sits.

“It’s okay. I’ll leave,” I tell him, walking right past Gio and towards the door.

“You can’t fucking leave. You just had a heart attack. You need to get back into bed,” Vin calls after me.

“Vin, why don’t you go see Daisy and Gabe? I’ll stay here with Cammi,” Gio says.

“What if her heart stops again?”

“I’ll be right here. I won’t let anything happen to her.” Gio puts a hand on Vin’s shoulder. “Just give her a moment. She needs to relax. And right now, you’re not helping.”

“Fine,” Vin grits out. He looks to me, like he’s trying to gauge my reaction. “I’ll be back, unless you want me to stay.” He appears almost hopeful. And so much of me wants to tell him to stay. I can’t, though.

I shake my head and walk back over to the bed. If he’s leaving the room, then I guess I don’t need to.

Chapter Thirty-Three

When I walk out to the waiting room, every fibre of my being wants to turn around and go back. I’m so fucking confused as to what I’m supposed to do here. I need to know that Cammi’s heart is still beating. I thought I’d be fine if I saw her, that I’d be able to continue on without her. The past year has been hell, but I’ve survived.

Now that I’ve seen her, spoken to her, I need her more than ever.

I slept for an hour at her bedside. I tried not to fall asleep, but she gives me peace. Just being near her creates a calmness I can’t find anywhere else. I still think she’s better off without me. I don’t trust myself not to hurt her. I also don’t trust her heart not to fucking stop.

It’s astuck between rock and a hard placekind of deal. If I go back to not being around her, I risk not being there if she collapses again. What if she’s alone? I can’t let that happen.

“You look like shit,” Gabe says, wrapping his arms around me in a quick hug.

“Yeah,” I agree, because I probably do look like shit. What am I supposed to look like? I just found out I’m the reason Cammi’s heart is weak. I broke it, both emotionally and physically. I will never forgive myself, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure she’s never in a stressful situation again. I just need to figure out how to do that.

“What happened? Do they know anything yet?” Daisy asks, Luciano sitting on her hip.

I pluck my nephew out of his mother’s arms and bring him to my chest. “Hey, little man. Miss me?” I kiss his chubby cheeks. I fucking adore my nephew. He’s the coolest baby ever.

“Vin, what happened?” Daisy repeats, using her no-nonsense tone on me.

“I broke her heart.” It’s the truth. “The doctor thinks she has something called broken heart syndrome, and I caused it. I’m the reason her heart stopped todayandsix months ago.”

“No. You’re not lumping the blame of her heart condition onto yourself.” Daisy shakes her head.

“Why not? I caused her so much emotional trauma that her heart physically weakened to the point of stopping. Who else is to blame for that, Daisy?”

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