Page 73 of A Sinner's Saint

Yes. The first time it happened, I was happy to blame it on my heartbreak and overbearing sadness. Now, I don’t want him to be the reason. The look on his face was one of pure horror. He really has it in his head that he’s going to hurt me. Or kill me.

And that’s why he ghosted me. That’s why I’ve been lost without him for the past year. I don’t want to give him more of a reason to blame himself. He has enough shit in his head to deal with without having to worry about me.

Besides, he made the decision that I wasn’t his problem a year ago. Which is why I don’t understand why he’s here right now. Although, if it were the other way around and he was in a hospital bed, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else either.

Why is love so hard? It’s almost like a cruel joke, a payment for the sins committed in a past life or something. I can’t think of another reason why God would give you a love you can’t hold on to.

Vin fell asleep about ten minutes ago, his head resting on the edge of my mattress. His brother walks in with the doctor, and I bring my finger up to my lips. “He’s asleep. Don’t wake him up,” I whisper.

Gio looks at Vin and then back to me. “He told me what happened in France.”

“That wasn’t his fault. He was having a nightmare,” I say.

“I know. Told him the same thing.” Gio sighs. “But he’s stubborn and will always blame himself for it.”

“Ah, Miss Taylor. I have your records from Sydney. It seems all the tests they did six months ago came back clear. I’m going to run a few more, just to make sure you haven’t developed any complications that might not have shown up last time,” the doctor says.

“Okay, but I’m fine. Really.”

“I have a theory. You’re young and we usually see this in much older patients, Ms Taylor.” Dr Hart pauses, waiting for me to look up again.

“What?” I ask, curious.

“What were you doing the first time your heart stopped? Where were you?”

“I was in class.” I keep my voice quiet, trying my best not to disturb Vin.

“What were you thinking about? When you were in class,” Dr Hart presses me.

“Ah…” I look from Vin to his brother. I don’t think this is a conversation either of them should hear.

“I need to know, Miss Taylor,” Dr Hart tries again.

“I was… um… I was thinking how it was over, like really over. And the realisation that I’m never getting him back hit me.”

“What was over?” Dr Hart asks.

“My relationship. My boyfriend left me six months prior to that. Six months is a really long time to wait for someone to change their mind,” I whisper. “I had hope, and then all of a sudden, that hope disappeared, and reality kicked in.”

“Okay, thank you.” Dr Hart scribbles something on the chart in his hand.

I take that moment to look over to Gio. The same man who is usually so stoic gives me a little smile and a nod. No idea why or what it means.

“And today. What are you doing?” Dr Hart says.

“I was walking across campus. I’d just finished having coffee with my friends. And then…”

“And then what happened?” Dr Hart urges me to continue.

“I saw… him,” I say, then quickly add, “But it’s not his fault,” when the doctor’s gaze falls to Vin, who appears to be sleeping. At least I hope he is. And I hope he didn’t hear me.

“No, it’s not,” the doctor agrees. “We need to run some more tests, but I think you are suffering from a condition called takotsubo cardiomyopathy.”

“What is that?” Gio asks the question before I can.

“It goes by a few different names. But, basically, it’s when somebody experiences sudden acute stress, which weakens the heart muscles. And, in some cases, it can shut the organ down completely,” Dr Hart explains.

Gio is typing something into his phone, while I have no idea what to say. “So you’re telling me my heart stopped because I was stressed?” I attempt to clarify.

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