Page 69 of A Sinner's Saint

“No. I’m going to be mature and walk right past him if I have to. I’m not going to let him have any more of an impact on my life.” I don’t believe my own words. I guess we’re both lying now.

“How long has it been? Since the breakup?” Scarlett asks me.

“Three-hundred and ninety-eight days,” I tell her.

“Oh, so… a while,” she says.

“I love him more than I love myself,” I attempt to explain.

“Love orloved?” Elena presses.

“Same thing.” I shrug.

“No, they are two very different things, Cammi. You love him still or you loved him once. See? Two different meanings.” This comes from Scarlett.

Again, I lift a single shoulder. “Do you ever really just stop loving someone? I feel like if that were possible, you probably weren’t really in love with them to begin with.” I need to get out of here. I can’t sit around talking about him. I’m supposed to not be thinking about him at all. “I have to get to my next class. I’ll catch up with you both later.”

“Sure, thanks for the chat,” Scarlett says.

“I’ll come with.” Elena jumps up from her seat. And as much as I want to be alone, I can’t bring myself to tell her I don’t want her to come with me. Besides, she knows this campus. She might come in handy in helping me find where I’m actually going. “Are you okay? Really, Cammi. Don’t lie to me,” Elena asks as soon as we’re out of earshot.

“I’m trying to be,” I tell her.

“Okay, whatever you need, all you have to do is ask. I’m here for you, Cammi. Always.” She wraps her arms around me.

“I know. Thank you.” I’ve never really confided much about Vin to my friends. I don’t know why. I guess I just want whatever we had to stay between us. Private. I don’t want them tainting my opinions of him or what we shared with their own. I meant what I told Scarlett. I really did love him more than myself. Do I still feel that way? I’m not sure.

“Shit,” Elena hisses. “Ah, Cammi, let’s go this way,” she says, pulling me in the opposite direction.

“Why?” I ask her, looking around at the almost-empty field we’re walking across. And that’s when I see the reason. “Vin.” His name is a whisper on my lips.

My feet stop, my legs buckle, and my heart picks up speed. I can’t move. I’m frozen in place. Staring into the darkness of his eyes. My head starts to spin and my chest starts to ache. I bring my hand up, rubbing at the spot where it hurts most, but it does nothing to alleviate the pain.

“Elena? It’s happening again,” I manage to get out before I feel myself falling.

Chapter Thirty-One

Cammi. She’s here. Right fucking in front of me. Ten steps and I could be close enough to touch her. I don’t dare move. Afraid if I do, she’ll disappear. I knew there was a chance I’d see her on campus. I didn’t expect to run into her so soon, though.

She’s staring back at me, her hand rubbing at her chest. Her breaths laboured, heavy. Something is wrong… What the fuck is wrong with her?

My feet start moving towards her, and when I see her fall, I run. Catching her just before she and her friend both hit the ground.

“Cammi?” Her body is limp in my arms, her lips turning blue. I carefully lay her down flat, in case she needs CPR, before looking up at Elena. “What the fuck is happening? She’s not breathing!” I yell out.

Fear. I’ve known it, lived within its embrace for more years than I care to remember. But nothing prepared me for this kind of full-on terror. I search for a pulse. There isn’t one.

“Fuck! Call a fucking ambulance,” I tell Elena.

“Already on it,” Dash says.

I drop my palms to her chest and start compressions. “Cammi, do not fucking do this,” I curse under my breath as I pump while counting to thirty in my head. My mouth closes over hers and I breathe air into her lungs twice. Checking for her pulse again. It’s still not there, so I go back to compressions. “Where are they?” I yell at Dash, who has dropped to his knees on the other side of Cammi.

“I don’t know, man. Let me help,” he says.

“Don’t fucking touch her,” I growl as I keep pumping. My mouth closes over hers again. I thought I knew what it was to be stuck in a nightmare. Those were fucking picnics compared to this. “Please, please,” I whisper as I check for a pulse for a third time, cursing in relief when I finally feel one. “Fuck!” Placing my fingers under her nose, I test her air flow and can feel a light wind as she exhales on her own. “She’s okay. She’s okay,” I repeat over and over to myself.

I can hear the sirens. And then everything happens so fast. The paramedics come. I vaguely hear Elena explain whathappened. I’m in a daze until I hear her mention that it’s not the first time.

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