Page 64 of A Sinner's Saint

“I’m sorry. I really hope you find your one great love story. But I think, for now, you should focus on being young and free. You don’t need to tie yourself down just yet. Live, laugh, party. Have fun, Cammi.” Mum walks over to the fridge. “Do you know what chicken stir-fry pairs well with?”

“What?” I ask.

“Moscato,” Mum says, putting the bottle on the bench and grabbing two glasses.

“Do you believe that people only get one true love in their lifetime?” I really hope that’s not the case. Not for me, but I can’t help but think about Santo at his fiancée’s grave. He deserves to find that kind of love again.

Me? I have no interest in being hurt by love for a second time, so I’m steering clear of it for the foreseeable future.

“I think there are different levels of love, baby. Some loves are the great, all-consuming, soul-claiming types. Some are not as intense but still just as important,” Mum says.

And some loves are forever, no matter how much you deny it.I think this to myself. Now is not the time to tell my mother just how much of myself I lost to Vin.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Idon’t think I’ve ever appreciated the darkness that clouds my family until this past year. I’ve embraced it, used it as my personal therapy, I guess.

It took some convincing. But Gio finally let me work. He’d wanted to keep me out of the business and on the straight and narrow side of things. That shipped sailed a real long fuckingtime ago, though. So, eventually, he started giving me jobs, ones I could use to release some of my pent-up anger.

Truth is, with Gabe being locked up and Santo off his rocker, my big brother needed us to step up. Neither Marcel nor I complained about the work. We’ve always known it was coming. We’ve been groomed for this life since the day we were born. I know Gio copped it a lot worse, seeing as he was always destined to take over as boss. Although I doubt our father ever thought it would happen the way it did. At first, I was relieved. The day Gio killed the fucker, I felt free. It didn’t take long to realise the old man’s impact would stay with me forever.

I’m never going to be rid of the monsters. The nightmares continue to come every night, except they’re worse now. Because now I’m choking the life out of Cammi, watching her body turn grey and lifeless beneath me. That nightmare almost became a reality twelve months ago. Which is the only reason I’ve managed to stay away from her. I will not be the reason she leaves this earth before her time. It’s fucking hard living without her, but I know it’d be harder if I had to go on living knowing shewasn’t.

Okay, hard is an understatement. It’s been hell. I’ve wanted to reach out to her, tell her how fucking sorry I am. How I wish I could be normal for her, wish I could fix my issues. I’ve even gone to a shrink. Once. I ended up punching the fucker in the face and walking out after he suggested I had to distance myself from my family. He said the fact that I was still moving around in the same world they do is part of my problem. I will never leave my brothers. That’s out of the question. I would rather spend an eternity with the monsters than turn my back on my family. I’m not a danger to them. If I wasn’t a danger to Cammi, I never would have left her either.

“Where’s your head at?” Marcel asks me.

“Nowhere,” I tell him.

“Good. Get it in the game. You ready?” he asks.

“I was born ready.” I smirk before jumping out of the car. I open the boot and take out the baseball bat. “Let’s fuck some shit up.”

The thought of smashing shit makes me really fucking happy right now. Like I said, this is better therapy than any fucking head quack could offer me.

I walk up to the door of the shop, swing the bat back, and smash the bottom panel of glass. The sound it makes when it shatters is like music to my ears. Then I lift a boot and connect it with what’s left of the frame, kicking it open.

“Was that really necessary?” Marcel asks.

“I thought so.” I shrug as I step into the store. I don’t know exactly what this guy did to piss off Gio. I don’t bother questioning orders these days. I just follow them, happy for the chance to break shit. My bat comes down on the first glass counter, smashing through the top. I watch as the shards fall around the coloured gem stones beneath.

Cammi would love these.I shake the thought of her from my head.

“What the hell are you doing?” A man in his mid-fifties steps out from behind a counter. He’s the only one here. We waited for the last customer to leave about ten minutes ago.

“You know, that’s a really good question. Why don’t you tell us why Giovanni sent us to pay you a little visit?” I ask while pointing the end of my bat in the fucker’s direction. When he doesn’t answer quickly enough, I swing and hit the side of another display case. “Cat got your tongue, Joe?”

“I… I… d…d… don’t know,” he stammers out. “Just stop, please.”

“You got the cash you owe my brother?” Marcel chimes in, and I look over at him.

That’s what we’re here for? Money?

Makes no difference to me. I just like smashing shit, which is exactly what I intend to do. I bring my bat down on the next display cabinet. This one is full of pink stones. I reach in and pick up a small heart-shaped gem and pocket it before stepping back towards Joe and raising my bat again.

“Wait.” He holds out a hand, like that’ll fucking stop me. “I have it. I have Gio’s money,” he says.

“Well, where the fuck is it?” This comes from Marcel. “Hurry up. I don’t have all day and that one…” My brother gestures to me. “…can only be kept on so long of a leash before he gets impatient.”

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