Page 61 of A Sinner's Saint

No! I shake my head. No! I jump off the bed and walk backwards, getting as far away from her as I can. “No,” I say aloud. She wasn’t supposed to be there. She shouldn’t be here.

What have I done?

“It’s okay. Vin, it’s okay. You’re safe,” she says, scrambling off the bed before attempting to step closer to me.

I hold out a hand while shaking my head from side to side. “Don’t. Don’t come near me.” I stare at the marks around her throat, marks my own hands left. I did that to her.Fuck.Tears burn my eyes. I can’t… I don’t know what to do. I need to get away from her. So far away. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry,” I tell her. “I didn’t know.” It’s no excuse. I should never have laid a hand on her.

“This isn’t your fault, Vin. I tried to wake you up. It’s my fault. I should have waited for you to wake up on your own,” she says.

I tilt my head and stare at her. She loves me beyond fault. A fact I’ve always known. I never want to take advantage of thatlove, which is why I’ve tried to keep my distance. Because as much as she loves me, shewillsee past every single one of my flaws. Cammi will dive head-first into my darkness to be with me, a place she doesn’t belong.

“It won’t ever happen again,” I tell her. “Pack your things. We’re going home.” I walk out of the room. I need to get her home, and then I’ll say goodbye for good this time.

I have no idea how I’m going to do it. I just know I have to. For her. She’s not going to get hurt by me ever again. The only way I can ensure that happens is if I remove myself from her life completely.

“What? Why? Vin. I’m fine. You’re fine.Weare fine,” she says, following me out of the room.

“Cammi, I almost choked the life out of you and you’re standing here telling me it’s fine? It’s not fucking fine. None of this is fine.” My voice rises.

“I can’t lose you, Vin. It was an accident. Please, don’t do this,” she says, tears falling down her cheeks.

“I’ll arrange for a doctor to meet us at the airstrip. I’m booking us a private jet to get us home,” I tell her.

“I don’t need a bloody doctor. I need you!” she yells. She’s angry. Good. She should be angry. I can deal with anger, a lot fucking better than I can deal with her sadness.

“Cammi, please. Just… let’s just get home and then we can reevaluate.” I have no intention of doing that. I know what needs to be done and I’m going to have to be strong enough for both of us in order to do it.

“I need you in my life, Vin,” she says, her voice a lot quieter now.

“I know,” I say, because I really do know. I need her too. But my urge to protect her against everything I am is so fucking strong I can’t overlook it. And I can’t unsee what I just did to her.

The jet touches down in Sydney, and it’s not long before I lead Cammi over to the car I arranged for us. We’re both silent as I drive her back to her aunt’s place. Each of us knows what’s coming, and neither of us is thrilled about it.

When I pull up outside the house, I turn in my seat to look at her. Cammi has tears running down her face, and I feel like the shittiest person on earth for ever making her cry. “Kiss me like it’s the last time you ever will,” I tell her.

“I can’t do that because I don’t want there to be a last time, Vin. I’ll kiss you like I’m going to wake up tomorrow and you’ll be knocking on my door, ready for another kiss from me.” She leans in and presses her lips against mine briefly before she pulls back and forces a smile onto her face. “See you tomorrow, Vin.” Then she gets out of the car and walks around to the trunk.

I follow her, pulling out her suitcase before turning back in her direction. “I’ll bring it in for you.”

“No, it’s fine. I got it.” Cammi takes the suitcase and starts wheeling it up the path to the front door, pausing at the halfway mark to turn around and look at me. “Vin, I really do hope I see you tomorrow,” she says and then turns back around.

I jump into the car, and as soon as I see Cammi shut her front door, I drive towards the airport. I just need to get home.

My heart is gone. I left it back in Sydney. I have no idea what’s pumping the blood around my body at the moment. I just know it’s not my fucking heart. I walk through the front door and head straight up to my bedroom. Where I dig out my little tin, pick up a joint, and search around in my drawer until my fingers wrap around a lighter. I go out onto my balcony and fall into the seat.

I’m two puffs in when the doors open and Gio walks out. Usually, I’d try to hide the fact that I’m smoking weed. Right now, I don’t fucking care enough.

My brother lowers himself onto the seat next to me and holds out his hand. He doesn’t say a word. And I try not to act shocked when I pass him the blunt and he lifts it to his lips. “It’s good,” he says, blowing out a heap of smoke before passing it back to me.

“It’s okay.” I shrug.

“So, there a reason you booked a private jet to bring you home from France?” Gio asks.

“Cammi,” I say.

“What about her?”

“I…” I can’t even say the word. I fucking hurt her, put my hands on her and hurt her.

---