Page 47 of A Sinner's Saint

“I don’t know where he is. We broke up,” I tell them, and all three girls stare at me. “What? It happens. I need to get to class.” I pull my English books out of my locker.

“Are you okay? What happened? What did he do? I’ll cut off his balls,” Elena says.

“Don’t do anything to him. It’s fine. I’m fine. I’ll talk to you all later.” I turn and walk off, leaving my friends behind. I can’t talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it. I just need to get through today, and then tomorrow, and then the rest of my life without him.

I make my way into my English class and sit in the back row. I don’t want to interact with anyone. I just want to be alone. Well, I want to be with Vin, but that’s not an option. And then,as if I’ve conjured him up, he saunters into class and sits right bloody next to me.

My sunglasses are dark, which gives me the opportunity to steal a glance at him without him noticing. He looks as bad as I feel, which only makes me feel worse. I hate seeing him like this. More than that, I hate that he’s doing this tous.

Chapter Twenty-One

Ishouldn’t be here. I should have fucking skipped today. Seeing her is both a blessing and a curse. I was desperate to see her, to check on her. But now that I have, I hate myself even more.

I fall into the seat next to hers, because fuck if I’m going to let any other fucker get close to her.I know.I’m an asshole. Cammi’s hiding her face behind big dark sunglasses. I don’t needto see her eyes to know she’s been crying, though. I can feel the pain radiating off her.

I have no one to blame except myself. I caused this. I broke her, and I’ll never be able to put her back together because I can’t give her what she wants. What we both want.

I need her safe. I need to not drag her any farther down into my darkness. She will get over this. She will be happy again… I hope. I know I’ll never be able to move on from her, but maybe she can move on from me. She’ll learn to hate me. I broke her heart. How could she not hate me?

I hate myself. I tried. I fucking wanted to be someone else for her, but I should have known. They always win.

The monsters, the nightmares. They will never let me go. Just when I think I’m breaking free, I’m pulled right back into the darkness again. And now, I’ve managed to get my brothers mixed up in my mess. Something I never wanted to fucking do.

I saw the way Gio looked at me this morning. I could also tell he didn’t sleep last night. Thankfully, I don’t think he told Eloise. She acted like nothing’s changed. If she does know, she’s good at hiding it. While Gio is barely controlling his rage.

I get it. If it happened to any of them, I’d be out for blood too. As it is, I want to bring Shelli back to life just to strangle her myself for what she’s done to Santo. I’m not talking about the grief. That shit isn’t her fault. It’s our father’s. I’m talking about the journal Gio and Gabe found that suggests she wasn’t who any of us thought she was.

I take the chance to look across to Cammi. My mouth opens to say something before I think better of it and snap it closed.

“Ms Taylor, the glasses, lose them,” the teacher calls out.

“I have a headache,” Cammi says.

“Then go to the nurse.”

I watch as Cammi packs up her stuff and walks out of the classroom. I’m calling bullshit on the headache. And before I can talk myself out of it, I’m on my feet following her.

I catch up to Cammi in the hall, jogging to get in front of her. She stops and stares at me from behind those fucking glasses. I reach out and snatch them off her face.

“What’s wrong?” If she really is sick, I’ll get the doc to check her out.

Cammi laughs. “You have to be fucking kidding me right now, Vin. What’s wrong? Seriously? You’re really going to stand here and ask me what’s wrong?” she yells. “How about the fact that my boyfriend who I thought loved me more than life itself—his words, not mine—dumped me last night? Or the fact that my heart has been torn to shreds to the point I’m surprised there’s even enough of it left to keep beating. To keep me alive, when right now I’d rather not be. Maybe death will be less painful than this.” Her arms wave around her face. She’s looking everywhere but at me. Until she does and I wish she hadn’t. There is so much despair staring back at me.

She can’t be serious, can she? My entire body goes cold at the thought of her doing something to end her life. I won’t let that happen. I’m completely speechless. I don’t know what to say to her right now.

“Why are you even here, Vin? To torture me? To remind me of what I can’t have? To make me look like an idiot in front of the entire school?” she hisses.

“I’m here because I want to make sure you’re okay, Cammi,” I tell her.

“Well, newsflash! I’m not okay. I had an idea, you know. When I woke up yesterday, I thought:You know what? I can live without being with Vin. Maybe we can still be friends. Maybe that can be enough.Maybe whatever we had can shift intosomething else,” she says. “But that’s not going to work for me. I can’t look at you and not hurt.”

Cammi walks past me. I follow her because I don’t know what else to fucking do. Her words repeat in my head.Maybe death will be less painful…

I’m freaking out. I can’t let her think like that.

Cammi walks out the back door, through the fence and into the park. The same path I took her down the first day I spoke to her. The day all of this started. I should have kept watching her from a distance. I knew getting close to her would only end in disaster.

Nothing good ever happens in my world. People like me shouldn’t be loved. She shouldn’t love me. If loving me is destroying her, I need to find a way to make her hate me.

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