Page 46 of A Sinner's Saint

“I know.” I try and fail to give her a smile. I know it’s not her fault, but right now, I feel worse than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

Thankfully, Santo doesn’t try to make small talk when he drives me home. I should ask how he knew where I lived. I don’t bother. It’s pointless and really doesn’t matter.

He stops me when I go to open the door. “Don’t give up on him,” he says.

“He gave up on me.” My voice is quiet, and I’m struggling to keep the tears from falling.

“He’s going through a lot right now. He thinks he’s doing the right thing by you. Trust me, he cares about you.”

“I tried to be what he needed and I’m not it,” I say. “Just… if something happens, can you let me know? Call me.”

Santo nods in agreement, and I climb out of the car. My mum appears in the doorway. She takes one look at me as I shuffle by her and asks, “What happened?”

I burst out in tears. She quickly rushes over and wraps her arms around me. “Oh, baby, what on earth happened?”

“I… I… love him,” I cry.

“Okay. It’s going to be okay. Who ishim?” Mum guides me into the living room and sits me down on the sofa. I don’t give her a name. I can’t get the words out. “It might help if you talk about it.”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to. I just don’t want to feel. I want it to stop hurting,” I tell her.

“It will. I promise, baby, it will.” Mum strokes my hair. I’ve always been able to seek comfort in my mum. But right now, it’s not working. Nothing is taking the pain away.

Well, almost nothing. I just don’t know how to go about getting it. Vin certainly isn’t going to give it to me. I can find someone at school tomorrow to sell me some, though. I just have to get through tonight.

I can do that…

As soon as I walk on to the school grounds, I bypass my locker and head straight for the field. It’s common knowledge that the stoners like to hang out under the bleachers. So that’s where I’m headed.

My entire body aches. Vin didn’t just break my heart; he brokeme. Body, mind, and soul. I let myself fall so damn hard. I didn’t ever stop to think about the consequences of what would happen if things ended.

Straightening my shoulders, I walk under the bleachers like I’m still the girlfriend of Vin De Bellis. Nobody says no to Vin at this school, and when he made it public I was his, I was given that same privilege. Not that I’ve ever used it.

“One of you is going to sell me some weed, and make sure it’s decent shit,” I tell the group of guys now staring back at me like I’ve lost my head. “Is there a problem?”

“Ah, no. Cammi. Here, on the house. Tell Vin we looked after you,” one guy says before handing me a bag of green buds.

What the hell am I going to do with all this?

“Yeah, I don’t want this. Just a joint. Something ready to go.” I shove the bag back into his open palm.

“Here.” Another guy hands me not one, but two joints.

“Thank you. Don’t suppose you have a lighter?” I ask them.

The third guy passes me a lighter. After thanking him, I walk out and around the building. I don’t need an audience. I’m not ashamed of smoking. I just don’t want company right now.

I place the joint between my lips, light it up, and inhale. Coughing as the smoke fills my lungs. I don’t like it, but I do like the effects. I want to be numb. If I have to see Vin around school and have him ignore me, then I need to just not feel.

I smoke the entire joint before shoving the second one into my bag for later. I probably should learn how to roll these things myself.

I giggle.Damn, I do feel better.

I slide on my sunnies as I walk back inside and head for my locker. Lauren, Devon, and Elena are all there waiting for me. “You’re late. Where you been?” Devon asks.

“I was busy,” I tell her.

“Busy doing what? And where’s your shadow?” Lauren peers down the hall. She’s looking for Vin. I can’t help but follow her gaze. I don’t know if I want to see him or if I’d be better off not knowing. Not that it matters. He’s not there.

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