Page 79 of A Sinner's Saint

“What’s different?” He’s never really told me what they were about before. And I never asked. I have an imagination. I know what his father did to him, what that man letother mendo to him. I don’t need Vin to tell me more than that to know what’s haunting him.

“You’re there. In the room,” he whispers. “And I can’t stop myself from choking you.”

I look up. “That’s not real. You would always find a way to stop yourself.” I know he would.

The door opens and Vin’s brother walks back in. He looks at Vin in my bed and smirks. “I spoke to Dr Hart, Cammi. You can go home tonight if you want. You’ll have to come back for some follow-up appointments. I’ll have the family doc come and stay at the house to keep an eye on you.”

Unwrapping myself from Vin’s hold, I climb off the bed and step towards Gio. I throw my arms around him. I feel him tense, and then he places a single palm on my waist. “Thank you,” I tell him.

“It’s nothing really,” Gio says.

“Not for breaking me out of here. Thank you for killing the monsters.” I keep my voice low so only he hears it.

“You don’t need to thank me for that. Just don’t give up on him,” Gio tells me.

I’m trying really hard not to run. My heart is guarded right now. I said yes, and I meant it. I do want to marry Vin. That’s not to say that I’m not going to be waiting for it to fall apart. Maybe if I’m prepared for it to happen, it won’t hurt so badly when it does. And I might just survive it.

I’m nervous. Being in Vin’s bedroom is a little overwhelming, if I’m honest. Nothing has changed. It’s still the exact same bedroom I remember. Right down to the little metal tin that sits on his dresser. I have no interest in what’s inside it anymore.

I liked it, but I don’t think it’s the answer for my kind of pain. Also, the reaction Vin had when he saw me smoking was hypocritical as hell. It was the fact he thought his influence made me smoke thatmade mestop, though.

I don’t like when he blames himself for everything. I blame him for breaking my heart, but I also blame myself for letting him. Did I fight hard enough for us? I don’t think I did if I’m being honest. I never came back to Melbourne. I never confronted him.

I wonder if things would have been different if I did. If I had fought harder, maybe we would have been able to work through our issues sooner. Not that we’re through them now by any means. My biggest hurdle is going to be forgiving him, which I’m not a hundred percent sure I’m ready to do.

“Do you want a shirt? Hoodie?” Vin asks. “I mean, if you want to use the shower or something…” He scratches the back of his neck. He’s nervous too.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” he answers without hesitation. “I want you here, Cammi.”

“Okay, a sweatshirt would be good,” I tell him and watch as he heads for his closet. Then again, I could use a shower. “Actually…” I wait for Vin to turn back around before adding,“Can I have that one?” I point to the one he’s wearing. If I’m going to wear one of his hoodies, I want it to smell like him, not washing detergent.

Vin reaches behind his head and pulls the hoodie off before handing it out to me. He’s shirtless. Right in front of me, shirtless. I can’t move my eyes away from his skin. Skin that’s now covered in so much ink. So much more than he used to have. One in particular catches my eye.

“The Eiffel Tower?” I question him while staring at a black-and-white image of the structure sitting on a bed of skulls and black flowers.

“Yeah, it’s where you first said yes.” He smiles.

There’s something else that happens when I’m perusing his body. A part of me I considered long since dead suddenly wakes up. With a vengeance. “Vin?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you feel about helping me shower?”

Vin’s eyes instantly heat. “Are you sure? We don’t have to rush anything, Cammi. And, well, we’ve never been good at just taking showers…”

“I’m sure.” I pull my shirt over my head. And then turn around and walk into the bathroom. “But it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“Oh, I want to.” Vin follows me. He reaches into the shower and turns it on. Memories of us in this bathroom fill my mind. Good memories. Hot memories.

We both work fast at getting undressed. I step into the stall, letting the hot water fall over my body. Vin steps in after me. He doesn’t touch me. He just stares. “I’m going to fix what I broke, Cammi,” he says.

“Vin, I want you to kiss me. I want you to touch me. Everywhere. I need… I need you… I need to feel you inside me.”

Vin reaches out, trailing the tips of his fingers across my collarbone and down the middle of my chest. “I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he says. I doubt he missed me as much as I’ve missed him though. I don’t say that. I need to keep some thoughts to myself. And that’s one of them.

“Please,” I practically beg as his fingers skim over my lower stomach, heading towards where I really need them.

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