Page 2 of A Sinner's Saint

The nightmares fuck me up. It’ll take a few of these and the usual morning routine before I can shake this feeling. Of being dirty… of being used and abused in the worst possible ways.

At this point, I’m wondering if I’ll ever be rid of it, or if I’m destined to live a life reliving the torture of my youth. Two years. My father made me go to that house for two fucking years before it stopped.

Drawing in another lungful of smoke, I lean my head back on the wall and close my eyes. I have three hours before I need to start getting ready for school. Personally, I don’t see the fucking point. I know how my life is going to turn out. I know my destiny. And no amount of education is going to change the direction I’m headed.

When I pull into the school’s car park, Dash is already there. Leaning against his own car, right next to where I park mine. The moment I step out, I’m assaulted by the smell of smoke. “You know those things are going to kill you,” I tell him.

“I’m already dying.” Dash shrugs like it’s no big deal. “We’re all born to die, Vin.”

I reach behind my left ear and grab the joint I stuffed there before leaving the house. “Sure. Start the day off all morbid and shit. What makes a Monday morning better than thinking about your imminent demise?” After lighting up the end, I inhale a lungful of smoke before passing the whole thing to Dash.

“There are worse ways to start a Monday,” he says before passing it back.

“Like?”

“The English exam we have first period,” he deadpans.

Fuck, I forgot about that.

“I’ll meet you in there,” I tell him, locking my car before walking off in the direction of the building.

I need to find Cammi. I know how she gets with exams. I don’t know what it is about this girl, but I can’t seem tonotwatch her. To not want to know more about her.

I find her at her locker with her friends. Leaning against the wall of lockers on the other side of the hall, I pretend to scroll on my phone while I continue to watch her. She’s nervous. Her hands are shaking. Even from this distance, I can see her eyes watering. She gets like this before every exam. I’m not sure why. I’ve seen her grades. She’s fucking smart.

The bell rings, and everyone starts moving. When I see Cammi step towards the classroom, I follow her. Taking the seat in the back, right next to hers. Her teeth dig into her bottom lip, and she pulls out a clear plastic pencil case filled with pens.

Ms Natt, our English teacher, walks into the room and closes the door. “Good morning. I hope you took time over the weekend to study and prepare for today’s exam,” she says.

I watch Cammi out of the corner of my eye. It fucking pisses me off how miserable and scared she seems. Her face pales. Her breathing quickens. Honestly, she looks like she’s about ready to pass the fuck out.

Chapter Two

If there ever was a time for a sinkhole to open up and drag me in, I’d really appreciate it happening right now. Frankly, I’d take any kind of disaster really. Something to get me out of this damn classroom. What kind of evilness exists within Ms Natt that she’d purposely give us an exam first thing on a Monday morning? I imagine the devil hand delivered the papersshe’s putting on everyone’s desks—you know, since she’s besties with him, obviously.

I don’t do well on exams. Never have, never will. I know that. But this is senior year, and exams are heavily weighted. I get stressed, beyond stressed. I can’t help it. I have this fear of failing, of not knowing what’s going to be asked and not understanding the content. I wouldn’t say I’m an overachiever. I don’t want to be the best or at the top of the class. I just don’t want to fail. Give me an essay or assignment, and I’ll get great grades. When it comes to exams, though, the nerves and the fear of failure get to me and I literally buckle under the pressure.

And then there’s Vin De Bellis. The guy currently occupying the desk next to mine. That’s a whole different reason to be nervous. He’s not even trying to hide the fact that he’s watching me. I have no idea why he does it. Why he watches me. I’ve never spoken to him, and he’s never tried to speak to me.

Sometimes, when I feel him watching me, I almost think he hates me. For what, I have no idea. But he just keeps his distance and keeps watching. Except right now. When he sat next to me. I’m doing my best to not look at him. If I pretend he’s not there, I can get through the next hour.

The thing is, pretending Vin De Bellis isn’t there is impossible. He’s noticeable, right down to that little dimple in his left cheek. Those dark, honey-coloured eyes and tanned skin. And don’t even get me started on the lips. They look soft. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve thought about what they’d feel like against my skin.

Nope, not going there. Reality never measures up to fantasies anyway, right?

When Ms Natt slams a paper down on my desk, I jump in my seat.Shit. Get it together, Cammi. It’s only an English exam.

“Okay, you may turn your papers over and start,” she says.

With shaky hands, I flip the test face up. My eyes water, blurring the words on the page, and when a tear lands on the paper, I swipe at my cheeks.Great. Just great.

A hand leans over, resting on mine. “Relax. You can do this. Just breathe.” His whispered voice sends shivers down my spine.

And then I put the nail in my own coffin, so to speak. I look across at him. “Thank you,” I mouth.

“Camile and Vincenzo, pack up your things and wait for me outside the door,” Ms Natt says.

What?I look to the front of the room and all eyes turn towards us. Without a word, I pick up my bag and walk out of the classroom as quickly as I can.

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