Page 111 of The Horde King of Shadow

“He loved you so much that he didn’t want you to watch him die,” she said softly. “Oh, Sarkin, you were just a child yourself.”

“One who’d grown up too fast already,” I said quietly. “He didn’t want me to watch him fall apart. He didn’t want me to be around for what he would do, so my conscious would be clean. I was so angry when I left because I knew I was saying goodbye to him, to my mother, and it was notmychoice. But he asked me to watch for Tyzar, and I promised him I would. And those first few months of training, the Arsadia was so different. I felt guilty for enjoying it. I felt guilty for the relief I felt at being away from home.”

She reached out to take my hand, leaning down to kiss my scarred, calloused palm. I felt her shuddered breath on my skin,the drip of her hot tears. There was a reason I never spoke of this. It made me feel raw. Like an old, festering wound.

“When I learned of both of their deaths…it was Kyavor who told me. He’d been my instructor then too. He’d received a message from theKarath, who was angry that my father had chosen death early and that he’d taken my mother with him. Twomysarcommands were laid upon me by Elysom as penance, and they could be whatever they wanted. The commands are like debts that need to be paid. Whatever two tasks Elysom asked of me, I would have to obey without question.”

“The Dakkari scouting missions…and…”

“Marriage,” I said, my lips twisting. “That one in particular was my aunt’s doing, and she gave it to me only recently. She knew how much thatmysarcommand wouldcut…because I’d vowed to never take a wife. And that was common knowledge in Elysom and certainly to her.”

“What?” she asked in astonishment. “You never wanted to marry?”

“After witnessing the tragedy of my parents’ marriage? For years?” I asked, shaking my head. Sad understanding reflected in Klara’s eyes. “Never.But my aunt, Kethra…she thought my father murdered my mother, her beloved sister. She blamed him for her sickness, for her death, for taking her away. She wanted to make me remember that, so that every time I looked atmywife, I might remember the one my father took. The one he vowed to protect.”

I gazed at Klara, seeing her process that information—that I’d never intended to marry. Thatmysarcommand had once felt like a cruel twist of a dagger in my belly. Only now…I saw it much differently. My aunt had instead given me a gift.

“It all makes sense now,” she whispered. “Especially why you were so angry in the beginning.”

I gritted my jaw. “I never meant to hurt you, Klara. But you have to understand, I?—”

“I do understand,” she said quietly, rising up onto her knees until she was right in front of me. Her arms wound around my neck, and Isaw her. She wasn’t withdrawn right now, she washere. With me. And she was shining so brightly as she looked at me. “But even when you didn’t want me, I could see that you weregood.”

“I want you now,” I confessed to her.More than I ever thought possible.“And always.”

She smiled, pressing her lips to mine in a soft kiss. “I know.” She sniffled. “Thank you for telling me, Sarkin.”

I pulled away so I could see her fully as I said, “I told you this because I want you to understand that I know something about shame and how it follows you. How it can feel unshakeable.”

Her chin lifted as she absorbed the words.

“I’m not saying it’s easy,aralye,” I told her. “It took me a year after I bonded with Zaridan before the challenges to my title stopped. Because of my father’s memory, because of events that people knewnothingabout, sacrifices he made that they cannot fathom. But I earned my right asKarathin their eyes. You will need to do the same. Perhaps not through claiming an Elthika, but through other ways. You are kind. Giving. You are open toeveryonebecause you know you can learn fromanyone.Those are your strengths.”

I brushed my hands over her cheeks, catching the last of her tears.

“And you can throw a mean dagger if all else fails.”

The small chuckle that emerged from her felt like a win in itself, though it was short-lived.

“Maybe Iwill‘dagger’ the Sarrothian,” she said, pulling away to look up at me. “Not in a literal sense, obviously. I mean that…I learned how to throw daggers so well because people said Icouldn’t. You know I hated that most of all.”

My lips quirked, and I ran my hand over her face, thinking her so lovely. I trailed my fingers through her hair, observing how the ends curled around my fingers. “I can so easily imagine you sneaking out at night to practice throwing daggers on the wildlands.”

She guided me back until we were lying down, her head on my chest. It felt so natural with her. So easy. And I felt like a weight had been lifted from me, now that I’d told her about my father. It had been like a scar that had never healed properly, one that always pulled and itched.

“Do you feel shame for what your father did? You said you felt it follow you…but what your father did was out of love. There’s nothing shameful about that.”

“I wish he hadn’t stolen the eggs,” I confessed. “He should’ve known better, but I also know how much he hated watching her suffer. We both did. He was desperate. Desperate to help the person he loved.”

She nodded against me, though I couldn’t see her expression. “Whatever happened to Tyzar? Did you ever find him?”

I smiled as I dragged my fingers down her arm. “That is a happy story, at the very least. He fled north, as my father commanded him. After I claimed Zaridan, I made it my mission to find him. He lives close to Muron’s Spine. A peninsula in the North, a sacred place. He has a mate. Two hatchlings that are growing strong by now. Soon we might see them at Tharken, and I hope one or both will choose a Sarrothian rider.”

Maybe evenourchild,came the sudden thought. How fitting that would be.

I dragged in a deep breath, feeling how much the knowledge pleased Klara.

“I still visit on occasion, if I’m ever in the North to meet with the Kylothian,” I informed her. “One day I will bring you to meet him too.”

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