Page 105 of Succeeding Love

She then sighed before giving me one last pitying look. “You don’t need my forgiveness, Nick. You need to quit torturing yourself.”

Then she left, calling for the kids to head out the door. I was left alone, staring at those pictures in my miserable state.

This was the first time Fay had come to the condo. The condo we had talked about buying together for years. I had hoped to build memories to cherish with her again in this place. Now it’s going to be stained with the memories of how pathetic I was tonight.

Minutes later, I heard the door open again, and thought maybe Fay had decided to stay and take care of me like she always used to do. I don’t know why I deluded myself into thinking that was even a possibility.

Instead, Preston looked in the bedroom, then let out a heavy sigh, seeing I was still awake.

“You’re so embarrassing, Dad. Geez. Here are your keys.” He dropped them on my dresser. “You still can’t stop trying to bring mom down with you, can you?”

As she shook his head in bitter shame, whatever small fragments were left of my dignity disappeared.

The coldness in my condo never felt so harsh as I sat there alone, staring at the photos of the life I destroyed.

Picking up the Johnny Walker bottle I kept hidden in my nightstand drawer, I drowned the loneliness away.

~

Feighlynn

“You’re my home.”

Those words were haunting me.

I felt terrible. Not just for pushing Vin away like I did, but because of the situation itself. I had been living in a fairytale, but tonight, I got hit with a hard dose of reality just from one innocent bathroom visit.

Well, not really innocent, but the fairytale was real when I stepped into that bathroom with my panties in disarray, then stepped out with a nightmare clinging to my shoulders.

And to make matters worse, I broke apart from all the emotional strain before Vin and I could even talk. My head was still full of irrational thoughts as we were coming back home, and I just didn’t want to dive into any more tonight. I didn’t want to break down any more than I already had.

Vin’s face when I told him to go home made me want to forget the entire night, forget Nick and all the crap he started. It made me want to crawl over to Vin and cry in his arms until all the embarrassment, all the disgust, all the regret, all the guilt just drowned out and all I could feel was him.

I couldn’t bring myself to do that just yet.

He was my haven, but tonight, he was the man who wouldn’t listen to me and just made an already unpleasant situation worse. And felt so incredibly guilty for putting him there. Putting him in the position to show that side of him. I felt like it was my fault for going to him and not someone else.

I got so used to relying on him; I didn’t think there would be a situation where I couldn’t.

“I’m sorry, Lynn,” Vin whispered after stopping at the curb of my house. “I really am.”

The words weren’t what got me, but it was the hard set in his jaw and the tightness of his eyes as he didn’t meet my stare. He was staring at the rip in my dress instead.

I mumbled some sort of “goodnight” then hurried out of his car and into my house. I could feel his eyes on me then, but didn’t have the courage to look back. I only had to fumble with my keys for a second before Preston opened the door to let me in.

Preston’s expression when he saw my face triggered more emotions to pour out of me. Pres wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me inside as I broke down.

My son shouldn’t have to hold his mom as she sobbed about his dad being an asshole and her boyfriend being insensitive. But there we were. Standing in the entrance to my house, Preston rubbed back and whispered “I got you, mom,” until I eventually calmed down.

He gingerly walked me up to my room when I said I wanted to shower and change, but when he left, all I did was lay on the bed, cuddled around Kevin while still wearing my torn dress, listening to the murmurings of my kids outside my bedroom door. I was left in my regrets, letting them eat away with me until I felt empty inside.

Eventually, the house calmed down. I’m sure Jessie was disturbed about the events of tonight, but Preston handled her, too.

My son was picking up the pieces of us left and right. That fueled my guilt further.

Why was I so emotionally triggered right now? Why did I get so emotional about Vin? It wouldn’t be the first time I had to deal with a situation that felt like all hell was breaking loose.I can usually put my big girl panties on and not let things get to me the way they did tonight.

Was it because of the shock? Because my boyfriend was about to punch the father of my kids? Was it fear of the repercussions to Nick and Vin’s careers that made me get so mad?

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