Page 59 of Perfectly Perplexing Zombie

Likewasn’t the emotion I aimed for, but it was a good start and perhaps more reasonable given the little time Wendall and I’d spent together.

“I like you too.” My feelings ran stronger, but I didn’t want to frighten Wendall.

“I know.” He gave a faint grin. “Like I said earlier, it’s hard for me to believe, but I do know that. If things had been like this between us when you asked me to bond with you, I might have been tempted to say yes.”

My spine snapped to attention, and my mind became laser-focused. “My offer still stands.”

“Yeah, I figured. But I said I would have beentempted, not that I would have agreed.”

“I do not understand.” It had been centuries since I’d felt this unsure about life. Wendall’s reactions upended my carefully crafted worldview. That wasn’t such a bad thing. Centuries of living became monotonous. Life was for living, not remaining stagnant.

“I know you don’t.” Wendall’s gaze drifted down while his expression went slack. “You know, in the beginning, I had a lot of reasons why I told you no. The primary one was that I didn’t want to be with anyone who was with me for no other reason than they’d been ordered to.”

I started to protest but swallowed the words. Denying it would be disingenuous.

“And then I got to know you.” Wendall peeked up, those blue eyes pale against his blond lashes. “You brought Trinket into my life. You made an effort to find out what I needed, and you filled that need the best way you could. Sure, you probably expected something out of it, but you didn’t push.” He grinned. “You gently cajoled, but trust me, I know what pressure feels like, and that’s not what you did.” Wendall’s grin slipped, and his gaze turned downcast again. “You might scare the shit out of most, but so does Muriel, and I’m not afraid of her. Just like I’m no longer afraid of you. But I am afraidforyou.”

I balked, rearing back into the love seat cushion. “Afraid?For me?” The idea was beyond ludicrous that a human-turned-zombie would be fearful for me. Maybe Wendall’s mind hadn’t survived reanimation as well as Muriel thought.

“Not physically,” Wendall reassured. “I’ve only seen a fraction of what you can do, and I know you’re more than capable of physically taking care of yourself. What I’m talking about is in here.” Wendall leaned forward and laid his palm over my twin beating hearts. As his eyes slipped closed, his soft expression pinched into one of pain. “It’s so steady, like a never-ending song.” Grabbing my hand, Wendall brought my palm to his chest, a lonely echo of nothingness below. “That’s something my heart will never do again, Ray. Even when bonded, it won’t bring my body back to life. All the bond will do is stabilize and hopefully repair my reanimation. Blood doesn’t flow through my veins. While I can feel love and affection, my body can’t react to those emotions. I can’t cry. I can’t blush. I can’t get hard. I can’t be the lover you deserve, and that is why I can’t accept your bond. I won’t do that to you, Ray. I won’t sentence you to that endless eternity. I care about you too much to do that.”

I sat there, completely dumbfounded. My once-thickening cock lost interest. I had not considered all the implications of Wendall’s zombie status. He, on the other hand, had removed his blinders and looked the problem in the eye.

My hearts painfully thudded, and I wondered if Wendall could tell the difference in their cadence. I considered Wendall’s words. I understood his concern and could appreciate what he said, but what I also knew was that I did not relish the thought of living eternity without him by my side.

“Physical intimacy is important and desired, but it is not the whole of a relationship.”

“Not the whole,” Wendall whispered, “but an important part.”

“Perhaps to some but not all.” I would not lie and say I didn’t enjoy sex. I’d had numerous partners over the centuries and enjoyed every encounter.

Wendall pulled away, severing not only our physical connection, but also the emotional one. His expression blanked, and his eyes deadened.

“I won’t condemn you to this.” Wendall waved a hand down his body. “It’s not fair, Ray. The more attached you get to me, the worse it will be for you. In here.” He tapped his chest. “I won’t allow myself to be that selfish.”

Wendall stood, and Trinket scrambled after him. “It’s been a long night. I think you should leave now.” He didn’t wait for my answer. Wendall walked away, and I was left with the nearly inaudible snick of his bedroom door closing.

ChapterTwenty-Two

Wendall

Leaning against my bedroom door, I waited until I heard my apartment door close. My eyes squeezed, and I slid down the door until I sat on the floor. Trinket slid with me, her fluffy body cradled within my lap. I’d never wanted to cry so badly and been so incapable. I’d rarely hated my zombie body as much as I did then. I craved the release crying would bring. Would it solve anything? No. Would it make me feel better? Maybe.

It was bizarre, knowing the reaction that should be there and expecting it to happen when nothing manifested. There was no buildup of pressure, no stinging eyes, no damp face, no snot collecting in my nose. My eyes were as dry as a bone, and nothing I did short of dumping water in them would change that fact.

Gripping Trinket tight, I buried my face in her fur. Bless her little scuttlebutt heart, Trinket cooed and licked my fingers. Comfort had always been wishful thinking where my aunt and uncle were concerned. It was nice having it given so freely. But all the while, I knew I had Ray to thank for the warmth blanketing my lap.

“It’s not fair,” I said, knowing it was a ridiculously tired lament. “I know how stupid and unproductive that is.”

Trinket cocked her body, those big brown eyes innocently blinking up at me.

“Life isn’t fair to most, and I had a better life than a lot of humans.” It was a sadly true statement.

Leaning my head against my bedroom door, a reluctant smile pulled my lips. “It’s crazy. If I weren’t a zombie, I doubt I’d have met Ray. It sounds like Queen Silvidia didn’t know anything about my existence until I died and was reanimated. If I’d lived, I probably wouldn’t have gotten to know him, and I wouldn’t have known about my fairy blood.” I didn’t think the latter would have been so bad, but the former made me incredibly sad. “Even if I can’t be with him, I’m glad I’ve gotten to know Ray.” It was probably a selfish thought, but I allowed it. While alive, I’d been human and hardly perfect.

“I believe he feels the same about you.”

My head jerked, followed by my body. “Holy shit.” I jumped up and squeezed Trinket tight.

---