Page 27 of Perfectly Perplexing Zombie

“Wouldn’t want to get your fingers caught inside that maw.” Muriel shook her head as the idea trapped itself in my brain and wouldn’t release. “I’ll be sure to bring some good pieces of flesh for her.”

“Maybe…” I hedged. “Maybe we should keep it to animal and not human. I don’t want her to get used to thinking people are on the menu.”

“No, sugar, that definitely wouldn’t do. I’ll be sure to label her food separate from yours.”

“Thank you for doing that. I could probably just go to the grocery and buy her a chicken or something.”

“True, but I bet fresher is better.” Muriel patted me on the knee. “And it’s no trouble. My zombies get called out to clean up all kinds of things. My contract with the state is one of my most lucrative. You wouldn’t believe all the roadkill.” Muriel appeared appropriately disappointed by the loss of life.

I’d found some raccoon meat in the fridge earlier, and Trinket seemed content with that. Belly fed, she settled in for another nap.

Muriel’s head tilted, and her gaze fixed on the ball of fluff. “I’m surprised Ray did this.” She waved a hand in Trinket’s direction. “Fairies aren’t necessarily known for their thoughtfulness.”

“Johnny said it was his idea.”

“Still, Ray thought to ask. That’s more than I ever thought him or any other fairy capable of.”

I shifted, uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. Muriel and I hadn’t really discussed Ray’sofferyet. I had a bad feeling we were about to. I wasn’t wrong.

“You know, I can think of a lot worse fates in the world than being tied to a fairy. Maybe you should reconsider his offer.”

I stiffened. Trinket must have registered my unease because her eyes popped open, her lids slitted, and her posture stiffened. Her soft coos turned into hissed chittering. Muriel and I both looked at her.

“Reactive little thing, isn’t she?”

“Looks that way. We’re still getting used to each other. It’s a learning curve.”

“Just like a lot of things in life.” Muriel gave me a pointed look. We were no longer talking about the scuttlebutt.

“He’s a fairy, Muriel.” I shuddered. “There’s a reason other species fear them. Fairies wiped out a little less than half the human population when they took control.”

Muriel huffed. “And they probably should have done away with a few hundred thousand more. They gave humanity a choice, and humans made their bed. When they died, they lay in it too. About six feet under.” Muriel cackled again, enjoying her little joke.

When I didn’t laugh along with her, Muriel sighed and placed her hand back on my arm. Trinket gave Muriel’s fingers a lingering once-over. I’ll give Muriel credit. She didn’t flinch.

“Listen, sugar, I hear what you’re saying. Anyone with half a brain steers clear of fairies, but sometimes, that’s not possible. And sometimes, it’s best to embrace the beast instead of running in the other direction.”

“Are you calling fairies beasts?” I would love to hear Muriel say that to Ray’s perfectly handsome face.

“Beasts come in all shapes, sizes, and packages. Just like this little furry cutie sitting on your arm. You and I both know that fairies hoard information worse than any dragon I’ve ever heard of. After all these years, the rest of the species still don’t know as much as we’d like. But I’ll say this. Fairies might be scary as hell, but they’ve brought order and doled out justice. They follow the law, and at least there’s a law to follow. Their intervention has saved more lives than they’ve taken. The earth is healing. It’ll still be a few decades, maybe centuries, to recover all the damage done, but if they’d hung back, retreated into the land of Fairy, and washed their hands of us, then I reckon we’d all be a lot worse off.”

I shrugged. “Maybe. Probably,” I finally admitted. “But that doesn’t mean being permanently attached to one is something I want. Especially when…”

“When what?” Muriel leaned in, voice soft and cajoling.

“When he doesn’t want me. Not really. Ray’s following his queen’s order, nothing more. He made that perfectly clear, and I don’t want that.”

“Even if it saves your life?”

“Even then.” I nodded, completely convinced. “It’s not right. Maybe that wouldn’t bother some people.”

“Most,” Muriel interjected.

“Most,” I conceded. “But that’s not me. I can’t imagine living an eternity knowing I made my partner miserable.”

Muriel sat back. “You think Ray would be miserable with you? That’s a big leap. You two barely know each other. I don’t know if fairies can love or not, at least romantically. No one really knows that for certain. Obviously, they fuck each other, otherwise there wouldn’t be any fairies about.” Muriel grinned. “But love?” She shrugged. “I suppose you don’t need love to produce offspring. Attraction, sure.” She winked.

My smile was weak at best. “But that’s just it, Muriel. I can’t… I’m a zombie. You’re a very gifted priestess, but my flesh is just reanimated. It doesn’t… I mean, I can’t…” I sighed. If they’d been able, my cheeks would have been fiery red. “This is so embarrassing.”

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