Page 26 of Hannah.

Her lips purse in frustration. “So, what are we then, Johan? Friends with benefits? Like we were during the holidays? Because that's certainly not what I thought we were now.”

I swallow hard, shifting my glass from hand to hand to have something to do. This is one of the most awkward conversations I’ve had in my entire life. “I know it sounds harsh, but maybe that's what we are right now. I need more time before committing to something serious. It’s not about you––”

“We’ve been friends with benefits formonths.” Her voice is getting snappier, but I’m almost certain she’s using anger to hide her hurt. “I thought we had moved past that stage. You could've communicated this earlier. Now, you've put me in an awkward position, especially in front of my parents and friends.”

“And I wanted to talk to you earlier,” I reply, frustration lacing my words, “but it felt like the right moment never came. I didn't want to spoil our time together. I…I’m just…not ready for an official commitment with you, Astrid. That’s all.” Forcing the words out feels almost impossible.

She takes a deep breath, all sorts of emotions flickering across her face before she puts on a brave smile. “Fine, let's not ruin the day. We can deal with this later. Let’s join the others.”And just like that, Astrid walks away, leaving me with a knot in my chest and heavy regret in my heart for not handling the situation better.

But…at least it's handled. For the moment, that’s all I can ask.

8

Hannah

While the vibrantgarden hums with laughter and the clinking of glasses as the staff presents a gleaming bottle of champagne, I feel disconnected, adrift in my thoughts. The atmosphere buzzes with infectious energy, sunlight flickering in the bubbles of the champagne, yet none of it reaches me.

It’s been…a strange day, to say the least. Staying with Astrid’s family has been lovely, but from the moment she mentioned all her friends and herboyfriendcoming to the croquet game this afternoon, I’ve been on edge. I tried to prepare myself endlessly for seeing Johan in person again, but it didn’t help. When we locked eyes, my stomach still did a somersault.

Then there is Conrad. He latched onto me immediately, and I have to say…I don’t really mind the attention. Usually, the pushier guys annoy me, but Conrad expertly blends charm and confidence so that I don’t get tired of him. I like his company, even if it’s clearly based on flirtation.

I’m lost in thought, enjoying the warm, friendly atmosphere, when Conrad raises his glass, taps his signet ring against it, and causes everyone to quiet down.

“Ladies and gents, if I may have your attention!” Conrad's voice, smooth and rich, cuts through the chatter. The crowd gradually quiets, turning their gaze toward him.

“I have the pleasure of announcing today's Croquet champion—none other than our lovely Dutch newcomer, Miss Hannah!” Conrad's words are met with cheers and applause, the crowd eagerly clinking glasses in celebration. I feel my cheeks flush, genuine surprise written across my face. Apparently, Conrad can turn any moment into a spectacle, and this is no exception. He raises his glass once more, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “To Hannah, today’s honorary champion! May this day be remembered as the start of countless delightful memories at Goschen Hall!”

Of course, I didn’t win, but it’s not like anyone was keeping score. Well, except for maybe Johan, if the way he was watching me play is any indication. I mean…I did take a momentary interest in defeating him just for the sake of it, but any score I was keeping track of is forgotten.

Laughing awkwardly, I wave at everyone. “Thanks….”

Astrid gives me an encouraging smile before taking another sip of her drink. Despite not wanting to be the center of attention, I lift my glass, acknowledging the toast, though, in my heart, I know I’m not the real victor. Nevertheless, the champagne flows, laughter bubbles, and for a brief moment, the world feels carefree and joyful.

The crowd echoes the sentiment, the air full of cheerful agreement. Though I know it's all in good fun, I can't help but feel a sense of warmth at being welcomed into this tight-knit circle, even if just for a moment. As I take a sip of the champagne, its effervescence tingling on my tongue, Iglance toward Astrid, silently expressing my gratitude for her friendship and the unexpected kindness of this group.

Instead of returning my silent affection, Astrid looks down, her smile gone as if preoccupied with something, and I shoot Johan a sharp look. He's all poker-faced, acting like nothing's wrong in the midst of this lively crowd. But I know he’s the only one that could cause her to feel like this, and even if I have no idea why, it's infuriating.

So I mouth in his direction, “Are you serious?” while he stares back, calm and collected. Seriously, what's his deal? A silent glare is my response to Johan's stoic facade. His gaze meets mine momentarily, and I see a flicker of something I can't grasp—remorse, guilt, or perhaps both. It vanishes swiftly, replaced by a cool detachment, intensifying my frustration.

I need to talk to Astrid, but when I turn to find her, she’s gone. I feel a surge of empathy for her and whatever heartache Johan is causing her to feel. So, I excuse myself, leaving the rest of the group mingling in the beautiful garden under the oak tree as I go and search for my friend.

It’s a long walk back to the house, but I don’t mind. Determined to find Astrid, I approach one of the housekeepers bustling in the hallway. She stops just long enough to look up at me.

“Sorry, do you know where Astrid went? She left the party abruptly, and I’m concerned.”

The woman nods in understanding. “Oh, she probably went upstairs to her room. When you go up, turn right, and it's the second door on your left.”

Grateful for the guidance, I climb the elegant marble staircase, the soft glow of chandeliers lighting my way. The upper floor stretches ahead, all creams and florals with brass fixtures.

Following the housekeeper’s directions, I find Astrid's room. I knock a few times, but no one answers. Twisting the handle, the door creaks open as I enter, revealing a space as elegant as the rest of the house. Delicate curtains sway in the afternoon breeze, casting gentle shadows on the walls.

But Astrid isn’t here.

Driven by intuition, I get inside and continue my search, eventually finding her on her balcony. The air is cool, and Astrid sits there, a silhouette against the light. Indie music is playing from her phone on the table beside her. She seems pensive, her gaze focused on nowhere, as she blows out a stream of smoke after taking a drag off a cigarette.

I approach her cautiously, my voice breaking the silence. “Hey, are you okay? You left the party so suddenly; I got worried.”

Astrid turns to look at me, her eyes sad. There’s a moment of quiet before she sighs, her voice heavy. “Sometimes, I just need a moment away from everything. It all becomes too overwhelming.”

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