Page 39 of Sebastian.

I laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “Rubbish or not, it’s ruining my life. My wife wholeheartedly believes that I’m an irredeemable asshole, and even if I know myself that it’s all bullshit, it isn’t going to help me get her back.”

In his reassuring manner, Jan leans back in his chair and offers his sage advice. “Give her some time, Seb. You and Julia will be back to your old selves by Christmas. It's crucial to focus on the long-term view. Will this little incident still matter in a few months? Probably not.”

Part of me wants to believe Jan's words, to find comfort in the possibility of a reconciliation. But I think that he may be downplaying the seriousness of things a bit. To think that we’ll be completely over what I’ve done by Christmas really is a lot to ask for. How can I convince Julia to forgive me for such a public betrayal?

Jan is waiting for a response, and it’s been too long since we’ve seen each other in person to squander this time. “You know, it’s sort of funny that I’m here taking the advice of a divorced man on how to save my marriage,” I joke, throwing a smirk in his direction.

A soft chuckle escapes Jan's lips, lightening the mood. “Very true. Not sure I should be the one giving advice on saving a marriage, considering my own track record.”

Despite the levity, I sense the undercurrent of truth in his words. Jan's own experience with divorce gives him a unique perspective on the fragility of relationships. Yet, he managed to emerge from that painful journey with newfound wisdom. Needing some liquid courage before I bare my soul, I drain my glass of wine, which Jan quickly refills for me. I take a deep breath, and begin saying some things that are very hard to admit.

“But in all honestly, I spoke yesterday with my oldest son, Andries, before he got married, and we got on the subject of Christmas time. He didn’t say that he didn’t want to see me, but it was clear that he was still going to put Roxanne first.”

Jan opens his mouth to comment, but I hold a hand up to stop him. “I know what you’re going to say about her being his wife, but that doesn’t take the sting out of it. It’s either Roxanne or I at the family table at this point. And I think Julia will rather have her new daughter-in-law than me. How do I just accept that? How do I live with the fact that a former escort has taken precedence over me, the father and husband? It’s just infuriating.”

Jan nods in understanding. He’s giving me his full attention, even though this is dissolving from a quest for advice into a pure rant. Or a venting session, I guess. Either way, I’m glad to have someone that will lend an ear.

“I understand it's a tough situation,” he replies, his voice calming. “But you've got to accept that Roxanne is now part of the family, whether you like it or not. Julia loves Andries, and by extension, she cares for Roxanne too.” Now it’s Jan who stops me when I try to speak. “Wait. Yes, I know that she’s the former escort of your friend Karl, and I’m familiar with what that means for her reputation. It doesn’t change anything. Roxanne Feng is now your son’s wife and your daughter-in-law, no matter how you feel about it.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I take another sip of wine, trying to swallow down the bitterness I feel towards Roxanne, the woman who had seemingly divided my family. Hearing her name followed byson’s wifeanddaughter-in-lawmakes me nauseous.

I shoot to my feet and pace, nervous energy coursing through me. “God, the idea of it is just insufferable.”

“It's natural to feel that way, Seb,” he says, offering a compassionate smile. “But people change, and sometimes, we have to make room for new connections in our lives. For the sake of your family, try to find some common ground with Roxanne. If Andries loves her, so can you.”

His advice feels like an impossible task. I've been so hurt by recent events that I can't see beyond my own pain. Yet, Jan's wisdom has always guided me through tough times, and I know he speaks from experience.

“I just…I feel so betrayed,” I confess, all the complicated feelings raging through me. “Betrayed by everyone in that family—my wife, my oldest son, my oldest daughter. Everyone just sided with Roxanne, and it's disheartening to see how little loyalty they have towards me.”

Jan's gaze softens, and he stands too, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “Change is inevitable. Your family is growing, and dynamics are shifting. But that doesn't mean they love you any less. They just need time to adapt to the changes.”

“I've always given them everything they wanted,” I lament miserably, letting my face fall into my open hands. “If Julia wanted to travel to Vienna for an opera, I made it happen. If Elise wanted a new horse, I spared no expense. Andries wanted to fence, and I provided the best training money could buy.” My voice cracks with emotion, and I take a moment to compose myself before continuing. “I've always put my family first, but what has Roxanne done for them? Nothing. Literally nothing.”

“Listen, I get that, more than you know. That’s just life, my dear friend. We give our wives and children the world, only for them to become ungrateful brats.” Jan’s harsh words surprise me, but it also lets me know how much he understands my frustration. “It's natural to feel hurt and overlooked, but sometimes, we have to step back and let others take the spotlight. Roxanne is now part of your family, and it's important to support your son in his choices. Even if everyone is, like I said, being a brat.”

“That's easier said than done,” I reply, my pride warring with the love I feel for my son.

“Of course it is.” He pauses, a side smile forming on his lips. “But you're strong, Seb. You've faced challenges before, and you've always come out on top. This is no different.”

We’re interrupted when the butler arrives. He announces Alex's arrival, and I'm genuinely pleased that he made it. Alex and Jan greet each other with warm hugs, and as we settle on the terrace, Jan offers Alex a glass of wine to mirror the ones he and I have already been drinking. The summer breeze dances through the trees, and with Alex here, it really does feel more like the good old days than ever.

“Look at us, three old men, back together again!” Jan laughs, holding his glass into the air, ready to make a toast. “To lifelong friendships.”

“To lifelong friendships,” Alex and I echo, and we all drink.

We all find our seats again, and Jan turns to Alex. “How are the kids doing? And your wife, Petra, isn't it?”

“Everyone is well. Petra is delighted to be back in Europe for the summer,” Alex tells him, a clear expression of love passing over his face when he talks about his family. “Twins are a constant challenge, but one that we both adore, of course.”

“At least someone is living the dream,” Jan jests, causing me to snort. “Meanwhile, Sebastian and I are over here, talking about our woes.”

As we engage in conversation, I struggle to push aside the nagging unease and just enjoy the afternoon as it fades into the evening. We drink, switching from Chardonnay to barrel-aged scotch when the sun starts setting low.

Jan tells us about how his life has changed since his divorce, and the steps he’s taken to find joy and meaning in life again. His ex-wife had made the terrible accusation that he had been violent toward her, and that allowed her to get more money from him along with making sure the public was wholly on her side––even though that wasn’t the truth behind closed doors. My old friend is more resilient than I could have imagined, and it’s inspiring to know that there is happiness and hope on the other side of something as awful as a divorce. My stomach twists and churns when I consider truly divorcing Julia…she’s mine, and I am hers. There is no future that I’ve ever imagined without her. But…if Jan can survive it, so can I. I just desperately hope it never comes to that.

My brother-in-law doesn’t have much to say about relationship issues, even though I know his own marriage has had its share of trials and tribulations. Instead, he regales us with stories about his twins and his wife's new gallery. Suddenly, Alex changes the subject, and drops a bombshell that shatters any semblance of calmness.

“Sebastian…look, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I can’t pretend that I’m in the dark about it.” He pauses for a beat, before taking another sip of his drink. “Contrary to what I thought, my sister has been speaking to a divorce attorney.” He rubs the back of his neck, clearly in discomfort to be talking about such a delicate matter. “A very talented one, I believe.”

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