Page 27 of Sebastian.

I'm haunted by the image of Julia’s heartbreak upon learning the truth. I know I've failed as a husband, and my heart aches with the knowledge of how much I've hurt her. “I wasn’t thinking about anything but how pissed I was at Julia for her threats and how disgusted I was with my son marrying that escort. Is that what you want to hear? I’m an asshole. We all know it.”

To my surprise, Alex places a reassuring hand on my shoulder, attempting to offer support amid the chaos. “You’re an asshole, yeah, but we all are sometimes. You messed up, and now you have to face the consequences. That’s all there is to it.”

He’s right. Julia has discovered what I was doing, I can't run away from this mess. “What am I supposed to do now?” I ask, my voice laden with desperation.

“You need to talk to her, apologize, and try to make things right.” Alex takes his hand off my shoulder and looks pensive for a moment. “Though, I’d wait until tomorrow to try. She’s really pissed.”

I nod, my mistakes heavy on my shoulders. “I'll make things right.”

“I’m here for you, whether you’re an asshole or not,” Alex reminds me. “But Julia is my sister. Don’t mess this up. She deserves to hear the truth from you, no matter how difficult it may be.”

Torn between shame and remorse, I nod slowly, acknowledging the path I must take. I know that avoiding the situation won't make it disappear, and I must confront my mistakes head-on.

My brother-in-law hugs me quickly patting me hard on the back as a sign of reassurance. We say our goodbyes, and Alex leaves. As soon as he’s gone, a sense of loneliness engulfs me. The once unshakeable foundation of my marriage now feels like quicksand beneath my feet.

All at once, the library and the memories it holds are too much for me. I can see the ghost of Julia in every corner of the room, and feel the love that the two of us have shared year after year here. Dammit…it wasn’t worth it. The lap dance just made me feel gross, not relaxed, even though I was still riding the adrenaline high of winning the argument against Julia. I got out of the wedding that I refused to attend, making me a man of my word, but at what cost?

The room is too much for me. I feel like I can’t breathe. I exit at almost a jogging pace, leaving the barely touched tea behind, and seek the privacy of a hot shower, with water so hot it burns.

Afterwards, I lie in bed, unable to find peace in the darkness that surrounds me. It took no time at all for that video to get back to Julia. How is that even possible? I’m a semi-public figure, sure, but it isn't exactly unheard of for men like me to attend those sorts of clubs. It’s never been anything I’ve been interested in, but I can’t believe that my presence was interesting enough for someone to record it. Maybe Karl’s bad reputation in the media is more prevalent than I thought, and he was the focus of the video. Who knows…it doesn’t matter anyway, because the outcome is still the same. Guilt weighs heavily on my heart, and I can't shake the haunting image of Julia’s devastated face when confronted with that damning footage.

I wonder how she's feeling now. Is she crying herself to sleep, or is she simmering with rage and disappointment? Has she shown Gabi? Her sisters? God…I’m sure she’s shown fucking Margaret already. That makes my stomach sink. Of all the people I want to see my failings, Margaret is the very last. If Margaret has her way, Julia will be furious with me. I know I deserve every ounce of her wrath, and yet, I can't help but wish I could turn back time and erase my foolish mistakes.

Then there is the possibility…no, thecertaintythat at least my older children have seen the video. Andries and Elise will definitely be aware, and there’s a good chance that Hannah has seen it too. Hannah lives online for the most part, so she’s probably more connected than all my other children combined. The thought of them seeing that video terrifies me. How will they see their father now, knowing he indulged in such a scandalous affair on the day of their brother's wedding? I was supposed to be their role model, the one they looked up to, and now I've shattered that image.

Julia's inevitable disappointment in me cuts deep. I can't fathom how I allowed myself to betray the woman I love so dearly. My own weakness disgusts me, and I feel utterly lost.

I reach for my phone, tempted to call her and beg for forgiveness, but I know she needs space to process everything. I hate myself for causing her pain, and yet, I understand that empty words won't heal the wounds I've inflicted. I allowed myself to be blinded by anger and frustration, seeking solace in the company of another woman. There is no one else to blame but myself, and that realization is crushing.

In the stillness of the night, I make a solemn vow to myself. I will do whatever it takes to earn back Julia's trust, to become the partner she deserves, and to be the father my children can be proud of. Redemption will not come easily, but I'm determined to walk the difficult path of self-improvement and growth.

The weight of my guilt and remorse is suffocating, and I know that mere apologies won't be enough. I must confront my own demons, face my insecurities, and my sense of self-worth. Only then can I hope to become the man Julia once fell in love with. As the night drags on, sleep eludes me. The road ahead is uncertain and daunting, but I'm committed to the journey of repairing our shattered marriage. I can only hope that time and effort will heal the wounds I've caused and that one day I may earn back the love and respect I've lost. But for now, I must face the consequences of my actions and begin the difficult process of rebuilding what I've destroyed.

9

Sebastian

Sleep comes for me eventually,but my rest is fitful and unsatisfying. Truthfully, I haven’t slept well since Julia left, and the longer she’s gone, the harder it is to fall asleep. The next morning, I wake up and head to the kitchen for breakfast. A part of me just wants to stay in bed until the afternoon, but it’d ruin my entire day to waste the morning hours like that.

So, I get dressed, comb through my hair and beard, and make my way downstairs and to the kitchen breakfast nook. To my surprise, Hannah is already up, which is unusual as she usually sleeps in during the summer holidays. Even stranger, she’s dressed for the day, too, with her long dark hair straightened to a sheen. She's engrossed in texting someone on her phone, and doesn’t even acknowledge me as I join her in the nook.

“Good morning,” I greet, trying to start a conversation.

She glances up briefly, mutters a greeting, and continues eating her fruit and sipping her latte, clearly more interested in her phone.

“Hannah, hello? Can you hear me?” I can't help but feel a bit annoyed as I say, “Do you ever go a day without your phone glued to your hand?”

She slides me a look that says I’m getting on her nerves, but I don’t care. I don’t think a hello is too much to ask from my daughter. With a sigh, she flips her phone over and swallows a bite of fruit before putting on a sarcastic tone. “Good morning, Dad. How are you doing today?”

Despite knowing she’s making fun of me, I smile at her effort. That’s better. “I’m alright.”

She watches me pour a glass of orange juice and join her at the table, putting her own fork down. Leaning back in her chair, she stares at me with her eyebrows raised.

“What are you looking at, Hannah?”

“Is there a reason you want me to stop texting my friends? You want to chat with me now, right? So I’m giving you what you want. Go ahead, let's chat.”

I take a deep breath, realizing that I need to make an effort to connect with her. She has some sort of attitude, but I can’t tell if she’s actually mad or just an average teenage amount of annoyed. There’s a basket of freshly baked bread in the middle of the table, so I grab a slice, buttering it to keep myself busy while I talk. “Well, I'd like to know how the wedding was. Did you have a good time?”

---