Page 20 of Sebastian.

I take a moment to collect myself, suppressing the overwhelming emotions that threaten to spill out. I continue down the hallway, trying to shake off the sense of intrusion. Heartbreak, bitterness, and anger swirl within me, making it difficult to focus on anything else.

I rush into the bathroom, finally, seeking a moment of solitude to steady my thoughts. Where does the line in my marriage cross from a bad fight into inevitable divorce? I just don’t know, even if everyone else in my life thinks that they do. What started as a ploy to scare him and make him realize my hurt has now taken an unexpected turn. Sebastian came all the way to the wedding to share his secret with Andries, effectively making him his ally––no matter how sweetly my son has treated me tonight, he isn’t truly on my side. I never anticipated this outcome, which makes me a fool, I guess. Now I find myself hiding in the bathroom, feeling like I might be sick, wondering why in the hell I ever thought a dark family secret would be the right sort of leverage to wield. Even if I wanted to, that card has already been played, and I can never use it again without causing friction between me and Andries. After tenuous months where he didn’t speak to me, I never want to get to that point with my son again. Ever.

Then there is Karl, the damn snake. The temptation to seek revenge against him, to have Gabi press charges against him for plotting the cabaret scandal that rocked the news cycle, is strong. Andries and Roxanne would love to see him behind bars for the pain he caused, even if Andries now knows that Karl is his secret uncle. God, that fact gives me the shivers of disgust even now. But deep down, I know that going down that path won't solve our family's issues. It might make Andries and his bride happy, maybe even give them the feeling of vindication they deserve, but it will be akin to burning my marriage to the ground for good. No matter what an asshole Sebastian is being, I still don’t want that. Not yet, at least.

It would be so easy, though. One text to Gabi, and Karl would be out of our lives for good. Almost without realizing what I’m doing, I pull out my phone, flirting with the idea of actually going through with it. Maybe Seb will forgive me if he takes into consideration how emotionally destroyed I am after having to face our son’s wedding without him. But I don’t consider the picture on my home-screen, and the second I see it, my heart drops to the floor. I see the picture of Sebastian and me on our last vacation in Lake Como…it wasn’t even that long ago! Yet, it feels like a distant memory now, amid all the chaos and secrets. He was distracted, a big part of him occupied with mapping out the cabaret scandal that landed Roxanne to be detained for nearly an entire day, but there were good times, too. Times that reminded me of our youth…times that made me happy, and soothed my soul.

A part of me wants to call him, to pour out my heart and hope he will understand, but I know better. Maybe yesterday I would have believed that a heartfelt speech would turn the tides and bring him back to me, but after this afternoon in the billiards room? No. Never. Sebastian is a master manipulator, and he will use my vulnerability against me.

Taking a deep breath, I push away the urge. Instead, I resolve to stand strong and find a way to navigate this storm without him. My children need stability and assurance, not more drama. I can't let my emotions lead me astray. The thought, combined with the very real possibility that I’m on the road to a divorce from the man that I’m still so sure is my soulmate, is sobering.

In the bathroom mirror, I look at myself, tapping away the shadow of mascara my eyelashes have left on my cheeks from the tears that have threatened to fall. My vision swirls as I look at myself in the mirror, and it’s the first time tonight that I’ve really considered how much I’ve had to drink. It helps me slow my previous, immediate desire to call Seb. I reapply my lipstick, and since I can’t splash my face, I simply run freezing cold water over my manicured fingers until I feel like I have a hold of myself again.

As I leave the bathroom and rejoin the festivities, I put on a smile and try my best to be present. The celebration continues, and everyone seems to be having a good time. Elise and Dan, sitting close together, radiate happiness, and Andries and Roxanne are beaming with love.

I look around the room, making a quick scan for Sebastian yet again, but he is nowhere to be found. Does he even care about the impact of his actions on our family? Does he not see the hurt and disappointment he's causing? I hope his pride is worth all of this, but I can’t imagine that it is.

Anger simmers beneath the surface, but I push it away along with the sorrow, refusing to let it consume me. I think back on Mom’s speech, seeking comfort in the reminder of family unity. Yet, the pain lingers, and I can't help but feel envious of the seemingly happy couples surrounding me. It’s silly, but…if I had never loved Sebastian, this wedding wouldn’t even be happening. Our love manifested this, and now it might be gone for good. With a determined exhale, I straighten my posture and push back my miserable thoughts. I won't let anyone see my pain.

Before I can step back into the venue fully, I notice Alex standing alone outside, talking on the phone. He exhales loudly when he hangs up, and his expression is enough to give me a pretty good idea about who the caller might be, so I approach him.

“Work call?” I ask, trying to sound casual.

“Not really,” he responds, a hint of frustration in his voice.

I raise an eyebrow, intrigued. “Oh, so who was it?”

He hesitates for a moment before admitting, “I called Seb and asked him to come to the damned reception at least, and, um…” he rubs the back of his neck with his hand, “he declined. I've got no fucking idea why he's behaving the way he is, Ju... but I'm thinking of meeting up with him afterwards. I know it’ll be too little too late for the wedding, but something has to be done.”

My heart sinks at his words. It seems I can’t escape the topic of Sebastian even when I want to. I wonder what he and Alex talked about, and whether Alex is mad at him or not.

If he’s going to see my husband after the reception, maybe I should key Alex in on the fact that my own actions might have contributed to this situation. Hours ago, I’d have told him proudly, but the doubt is seeping in faster than ever.

“I know what his deal is,” I confess, feeling a weight lift off my chest as I admit the truth to my brother. “I wrote Sebastian a letter forcing him to come to the ceremony or else I’d tell Karl the truth.” Alex’s mouth falls open, and I scowl. “Don’t look at me like that, it was a last resort decision, and it blew up in my face anyway! Seb came here and revealed who Karl is to Andries. Needless to say, Andries was beyond pissed knowing I was ready to give any sort of leverage to Karl. I think the idea of being related to Karl, the man he hates the most in the world, was too much for Andries.”

Alex looks shocked by my confession, and I feel a twinge of guilt for putting Sebastian in such a difficult position. “Are you serious, Julia? You really threatened to tell Karl about his relations if Seb didn’t show?”

“And I might have threatened him with a divorce too…” I add, hoping Alex won't judge me too harshly. “If he didn’t do what I wanted…coming here for the wedding.”

“Well, now I understand his attitude a bit better,” he says with a sigh, dragging a hand over his face and groaning. “Now what the hell am I supposed to say to him?”

“I didn't think it’d come to this,” I admit, my voice trembling with emotion. “Alex, I panicked. I just wanted to make him realize how hurt I was, how betrayed I felt. But I never wanted things to end up like this.”

Alex places a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “I know, Jules. It's a tough situation, and emotions are running high. But maybe it's not too late to talk to him, to find a way to work things out.”

I look at him, grateful for his understanding. “You think so? After everything that's happened?”

He nods. “You and Sebastian have been through so much together. A marriage is never easy, and it takes work to make it last. Maybe you two just need some time and space to sort things out.”

I take a deep breath, feeling torn between my love for Sebastian and my frustration with our struggles. “I don't know, Alex. Part of me feels like I've had enough of this constant battle. But another part of me still loves him and wants to make it work.”

He offers a gentle smile. “Then maybe you should try talking to him without any threats or ultimatums. Just be honest and open with each other. That's the only way to find out if there's still a chance for your marriage.”

I consider his words, realizing that he might be right. Perhaps it’s time to put aside the anger and bitterness and have a genuine conversation with Sebastian. I know it won't be easy, but I owe it to myself and our family to at least try.

“Alright. I'll talk to him,” I say, determination in my voice. “One way or the other, a conversation needs to happen.”

My brother pats me on the shoulder, before an odd expression crosses his face. “The poor bastard,” Alex chuckles, shaking his head.

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