Page 72 of The Kiss Principle

“No shit.”

“Hi, Fer.”

I grunted.

“I missed you. Did you miss me?”

“Interesting philosophical question: can you miss an outbreak of genital warts?”

He reached out to touch Igz, and then he stopped and looked at me.

“She’s not a fucking museum exhibit. Igz, this is Augustus. He’s the reason I’m so screwed up, and he’s also the reason you will never be allowed to date. Ever. Under any circumstances. Augustus, this is Isabela, but we call her Igz.”

I couldn’t read the expression on Augustus’s face. He reached out and gently took one of Igz’s fists and pumped it lightly. “Nice to meet you, Igz.”

I had to blink rapidly again.

“Can I hold her?”

“Let me change her first.”

Augustus, of course, sat there and watched and did nothing as I changed Igz. After getting her dressed again, I handed her to Augustus.

“You have to hold her—”

“I know,” he said.

And, to my surprise, he did. He held her perfectly, her head supported, her body fitting neatly into the crook of his arm. I had another of those moments where I felt like I was seeing a stranger: this man with ridiculously developed biceps and zero body fat where I kept expecting to see Augustus, who had once gotten his hand stuck inside a jar of M&M’s and had peed himself at a pool party because he was too afraid to ask to use the bathroom. He rocked her without even seeming to think about it, and his face was open and alight with—what? Wonder was part of it. Happiness. Pleasure. He likes children, I thought, and it was something else, something new, another thing I hadn’t known about my own baby. And then, as clearly, He’s going to be such a good dad. He already was with Lana—I knew that—and seeing this drove it home.

This time, I had to use my shirt to dry my eyes.

Augustus noticed, of course. His head came up, and his eyes searched me. “Fer, are you okay? What’s going on?”

“No, I’m not okay, beaver-dick. I’m going through menopause, and my emotions are totally out of whack.”

He rolled his eyes, and I definitely remembered that. “Do you want to tell me why you have a baby? Oh my God, Fer. Did you have a baby?”

“Yes, Augustus. I squirted her out myself.”

He laughed, but his face twisted. “This is why I have issues. You realize that, right?”

“You have issues,” I said. “Join the fucking club.” But then I said, “She’s Chuy’s.”

“Oh my God,” Augustus whispered. “I can totally see it. Look at her nose.”

“Her eyes, too. She’s lucky that’s all she got; I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I had to tell her she looked like a giant, gaping anus because she got that from her daddy.”

“Fer, I’m serious, you can’t talk like that around a baby.”

“Are you kidding me? She swears like a sailor. You should hear her let rip.”

Augustus was silent for a long time, studying Igz, bouncing her lightly. When he spoke, his voice was painfully neutral. “Where’s Chuy?”

I didn’t say anything.

“Oh my God,” he said again. More of a whisper, this time. He swallowed and looked up. “Fer, you’ve been doing this all on your own? God, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because if I told you, you’d be out here, when you’re supposed to be working and building your agency and making lots of money to keep Daddy in Botox.”

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