Page 81 of The Kiss Principle

“So do I.”

“I know I’m not perfect.”

He shook his head and whispered, “Neither am I.”

“But one thing I’m good about, Zé? One thing I’m proud of? I care about my family. When Augustus decided to stay in Missouri, I told him he could always come home. If Chuy would say goodbye before he disappeared, I’d tell him the same thing. We’re family, and they can always come home. And you’re my family too.” I had to stop. The sun was so bright, and I had to blink rapidly to clear my eyes. My voice fought with the crash of the waves, the cry of the gulls, thecumbiablaring on a distant radio. I fought to reach him across that vast space that had opened between us. “Please come home.”

20

The afternoon sitter today was, no joke, a fifteen-year-old girl with braces. Maybe she picked up on my energy—the needle was somewhere between manic and insane—or maybe she had an insta-crush on Zé (honestly, a real possibility). Either way, she couldn’t stop staring at us. I paid her for the rest of her shift and sent her home early.

Igz smiled at Zé, in case you’re wondering. Her treachery knows no bounds. Zé didn’t even have to work for it. He stood there, holding her, inspecting her, and Igz smiled like it was the most entertaining thing of her life.

I brought in Zé’s bag, and Zé looked up from Igz and said, his voice a little choked, “How is she bigger?”

“They have a way of doing that. It’s super fucking annoying, and it doesn’t stop for a good fifteen or twenty years.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Zé told Igz. “He’s happy you’re growing up big and strong.”

“See how happy I am,” I said as I lugged Zé’s bag down to his room, “the next time I have to scour the clearance rack at Target for new clothes. I swear to God, she needs new stuff every other week.”

“We won’t buy you everything off the clearance rack,” Zé said to Igz.

“You’re goddamn right we will.”

“No more of the hotdog onesies, I promise.”

When I got back to the living room, Zé was standing there, rocking Igz.

“Do you want to sit down?” I asked.

“I’m okay.”

“Do you want a drink?”

He shook his head as he touched Igz’s cheek.

My heart did that Grinch thing where it got huge in my chest, and I heard myself say again, “Do you want to sit down?”

Zé gave me a look. Maybe he took pity on me, because a small smile creased his cheek, and he said, “Yes, Fernando. Thank you.”

So, he sat. And I sat. And he held Igz. And I watched him hold Igz.

“Maybe you should go work,” he finally said.

“I don’t need to work right now.”

“Maybe you should go catch up on some paperwork.”

“I’m good.”

“Maybe you should turn on the TV.”

“Nah.”

He gave me a look.

It took me a moment, and then I said, “Holy fuck, I’m staring at you.”

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