Page 44 of Lost in Me

I turn my head when I hear people talking and walking in. Ethan takes a step to the side, allowing several nurses and a doctor to walk into the room. They stop at my side, looking at the monitors, and then they look me over. I feel my heart racing, trying to remember exactly what happened.

“Emory, how are you feeling?” the doctor asks me ina calm yet concerned voice. He is not the only one who is concerned. I am concerned about what happened to me, the baby, Ethan, and Shawn. All of it is a blur. I don’t remember Ethan and Shawn coming into the room. Everything went black.

“I hurt. My whole body hurts,” I state softly, feeling my body tense again with my words.

“And your head?” the doctor asks.

“Fuzzy,” I whisper.

“Do you remember what happened?” the doctor asks. His tone is making me more concerned. I can tell he knows what happened, or at least he thinks he knows what happened to me by my wounds.

“Yes, pieces of what happened. My ex, Jesse, he…” I stop and take a deep breath.

The doctor reaches out his hand, which makes me flinch as he rests his hand on my leg. Shawn tightens his arms around me. His heart is racing as fast as mine. I hate that I flinched. I hate that what Jesse has done to me has made me feel like I have taken ten steps backward instead of ten steps forward.

I can feel it in my body. I can hear it in my thoughts: the trauma, the wounds, all of it has been brought back to the surface once again, taking me as its slave. It is not the outside wounds the doctor should be worried about. It is the wounds inside me that should have him concerned, but he doesn’t know, and I am not going to tell him.

“It’s okay, Emory, you are safe here. It is normal for there to be memory loss,” the doctor states in a confident voice, making me relax a little.

“Okay,” I whisper, not knowing what else to say. I don’t like being here in the hospital. This place reminds me of Jesse. Reminds me of all the times I came to the hospital to get treated, telling my lies to cover up for Jesse.

“I need you to take it easy. It is very important for you andthe baby,” the doctor states in a stern but gentle voice.

“Okay,” I state softly, just wanting him to go, wanting all of them to go. I hate being the center of everyone’s attention. I don’t like everyone staring at me, wondering what I went through and how I survived, because honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know why I am here or the baby is still here, but I am so grateful.

“We will be in to check on you from time to time, but it looks like you are already in good hands,” the doctor says, smiling at Shawn.

“I am in good hands.”

“I am happy to see you are awake. If you need anything, just press that red button. I will get you some pain medication.”

“Thank you.”

The doctor nods, turns, and walks out of the room. The nurses smile at me, then follow behind the doctor. I rest my head against Shawn’s chest and take another deep breath. I close my eyes as his scent and heart start to calm me down.

I am safe. I am safe. Jesse is gone, and he is never coming back. Jesse is gone, and he is never coming back.

****

I slowly set down my sandwich and lean against the headboard of the bed. Ethan and Shawn went to get coffee. I slowly turn and look out the window. It is raining, but I can tell it is warm out, the clouds teasing us.

It will take me time to understand what happened and be able to remember everything, and honestly, I don’t know if I want to remember. It might be better for the baby, Shawn, and everyone else if the memories of that room after he started beating me just stayed hidden.

I look back down at my tray and grab a carrot. I slowly open it and take a few small bites. I know I need to eat, buteverything still hurts. Just breathing hurts, but I think that is the point. Jesse wanted me to hurt. He wanted me to suffer, but in the end, I didn’t submit. I didn’t give him the one thing he was chasing at the end. I stood my ground and was willing to die for what I believed in.

I turn my head and watch Ethan and Shawn walk into the room. Both are smiling and laughing. Shawn quickly makes his way over to the side of my bed. He leans in and kisses my forehead. He pulls back a little and looks at me. “I can’t wait anymore,” he says. For the last hour, Shawn and I have been talking about our wedding and not knowing if we can wait until I am fully healed to have it. I am glad to hear he can’t wait because honestly, I can’t either. I want to marry him. I want to vow myself to him. I want to make sure that in this life and the next, he is mine, and I am his forever.

“I can’t either,” I whisper, continuing to watch him.

A gorgeous smile forms across his lips. “So I did something,” he states, not being able to hide his joy. It is nice seeing him happy and not on edge.

“What did you do?” I ask, tilting my head to the side. Shawn is always up to something, and I have learned it is always something good. I never have to worry about him hurting me or making me do something I don’t want to do.

“I got the chapel ready for us,” Shawn states, his smile getting bigger.

“The chapel?” I ask in a confused but amused voice.

“Yes. It is time you become my wife,” he states in a low, confident voice, making my heart race.

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