Page 47 of Lost in Me

“That doesn’t sound like such a bad idea. Should I go back inside then?” I state in a low, seductive voice. The voice I know that gets him turned on faster than anything else. I go to take a step back, but before I can, he wraps his arms around my waist, making sure I can’t.

I look into his eyes and see nothing but longing and desire, so much desire it makes my heart skip a beat and my stomach fill with butterflies.

“You want to play, Angel?” he whispers, continuing to look into my eyes.

I feel my body melt against him. I lean in, feeling his breath on my skin. “Yes,” I whisper.

His smile grows across his beautiful lips as he leans in,stopping when his lips are almost touching mine. “We can play,” he states softly.

I pull back a little and look behind him into the car, but I don’t see the kids. I quickly look up at him, not hiding my concern. “They are with Ethan,” he states softly, taking away the sick feeling just as fast as it came. He knows me so well, I don’t need to say a word, and he already knows what I am thinking.

“Oh, boy…” I smile.

“He offered. I warned him. He didn’t listen,” he states calmly.

“Well, then, what would you like to do?” I ask, looking at him.

“I have some ideas, Angel. You sure you wanna play?” he asks, tilting his head to the side. The same gesture he has done since I fell in love with him, and honestly, it never gets old.

“Yes,” I state without needing to think. I trust Shawn with my life.

He releases his hold on me and forces me to take a step back. He grabs my hand and leads me to the passenger side, opening the door for me. He waits patiently as I slide into the seat. It is getting harder and harder to move nowadays.

He closes the door, and I watch him waste no time walking to his side of the car and getting in. He turns on the car and puts it in “reverse.” He reaches over and rests his hand on my leg for a moment as he backs up, then he takes his hand and pushes on the gas to exit the parking lot.

I don’t know where we are going or what he has planned, but I also know I don’t need to know as long as I am with him. That is all that matters to me.

I used to refer to myself as The Ghost or “The Ghost of me” when talking about myself. Today, I don’t use those words. Today, I feel alive and loved, and I look forward to seeing what the future has in store for me, Shawn, and our family.

I don’t have to worry about being abused or hurt, for I know Shawn would never put his hands on me. I don’t have to worry about looking over my shoulders because Shawn has killed the darkness that was watching over me. I don’t jump anymore when he touches me or when someone else touches me because Shawn has shown me that not everyone is bad and wants to hurt me.

He has changed my life. He has saved me, and every second of every day, he continues to save me just like I know I saved him. We will continue to save each other for the rest of our lives.

Chapter Thirty

Shawn

Three Months Later

I stop at the sunroom and see Ethan with the kids. It is crazy to think I am a father to three beautiful children. I never thought in a million years this is how my life would turn out, but here we are, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing.

Ethan turns and looks at me and smiles as he holds my three-month-old son, Sawyer. Even now, he looks more like his mother than me, but I am fine with that. My children will get all their best qualities from their mother.

I slowly make my way down the hallway to our bedroom. I know Emory is in there. She has been waiting for me all day, but things got a little crazy at the center. They need her there just as much as I need her. She is the glue that keeps the center together and the glue that keeps all of us together. It has been a little over three years since we both said our vows and three months since we welcomed our new addition to the family. I honestly sometimes wake up and have to make sure this is all real and isn’t just a dream.

But every morning I wake up, I look to my side and see my gorgeous wife asleep next to me and our newborn son in his crib, and I am reminded that this is my life. That after everything we have been through, we have survived.

I stop in the doorway of our room. The window is open, letting in the summer warmth. Even though it is nighttime, the warmth is all-consuming. I can hear the shower in the bathroom, making me smile.

She knew I would be here. She always knows I will be here. It might take me a little longer, but I never break my promises to her, and I know I will have to make up for today. Itwas supposed to be just her and I, but things don’t normally go the way we planned, between having three kids and the center and the apartments. Things have been crazy the last few years, but it has been amazing just the same.

I take a deep breath as I walk into the room and start to take off my clothes. There is no need to waste time. I know what I want from her, and I know what she wants from me. We still, after three years, can’t keep our hands off each other, and the evidence shows with us having three kids. We both want two more, but it can wait. She needs to heal, and we all need to adjust to having our new son.

I try to remember what my life was like before Emory and our children, and it is hard to understand why I thought I was happy the way I was living back then. I know now that I was empty inside. I was not a good man, and I was trying to fill the emptiness inside me, but once Emory walked into my life, everything changed. I changed, and I am so grateful for her every fucking day. I almost lost her and our first son to her ex due to his obsession, but in the end, we won, and my wife and firstborn survived. Every day, I am reminded of how much I love them both and how lost and destroyed I would be without them.

Rachel, our little daughter, is beautiful, just like her mother. I make jokes about having to chase the boys away with a gun. Everyone laughs, but my wife and I know I am serious. I will fucking kill any man that touches my daughter. I will be making fucking sure that whoever falls in love with her is worthy of her.

I feel like I am going to go bald when she becomes a teenager. It fucking terrifies me in every way, but I know we will all protect her and remind her every day what love is supposed to be like. So she knows the good from the bad. I will never fucking let what happened to my mother and Emory happen to her.

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