Page 40 of Lost in Me

“We will stay here and deal with the body. You need to getto the hospital,” Ethan states.

“Okay,” I whisper again.

“Oliver texted me that they are looking over Emory right now. You need to go,” Ethan states softly, dropping his hand from my shoulder.

I quickly turn around and head out the door, up the stairs, and down the narrow hallway. After this is done, I am burning this fucking house to the ground.

I run out the front door to my car, which is already turned on. The door is open. My men take a step back and nod at me as I quickly make my way to the door. I slide in and slam the door, putting the car in “drive.” I push down on the gas and start to make my way down the dirt road leading into the woods.

I feel my heart racing more. I speed down the dirt road and turn onto the main road, heading back toward the town we drove through not that long ago.

Please, Angel, hang on. I’m coming. I promise I am coming.My own words are repeating inside my head as I push down on the gas, hoping and praying that when I get to the hospital, I am not too late.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Shawn

Three Weeks Later

I continue to pass back and forth as I wait for the nurse to bring my wife to her room. They are still doing tests. She is in a coma, but as far as they can tell, it is still touch and go with the baby and her. The doctor has stated to me several times that he doesn’t know why she and the baby are still alive. He seems confused, but I am not. She is a fucking fighter. That is why she and my unborn child are survivors.

Ethan continues to lean against the wall. I can feel his eyes on me. He hasn’t left my side since he and the others got here three weeks ago after they burned the house and got rid of Jesse’s remains. No one will ever fucking find him.

I stop pacing for a moment and look at Ethan. His eyes are locked on me as I run my hands through my hair. I turn around and walk over to the window, leaning forward and resting my arm against it. The rain is still coming down. It has been stormy off and on since I got here.

They have tried to get me to leave to sleep, eat, and shower, but I fucking refuse. There is no way in fuck I am ever leaving her again.

Ethan calmly walks over and stops at my side. He leans his arms against the window as we walk, people coming and going. Some are smiling, others are crying. This place is one of life and death, and honestly, I don’t know which one I will be.

“You know, when I was reading her file, she called herself The Ghost. The Ghost of me,” I state in a low, shaky voice.

“Ghost? Ghost of me?” Ethan states in a confused voice.

He is not alone. At first, I had no idea what she meant, but when I went into that basement and saw what he was doing toher, I finally understood.

I slowly nod. “Yes, she made several statements with the phrase, ‘Ghost of me.’ She felt like she was never seen, heard, understood, or loved. Like she was just living without living,” I state in a low, shaky voice.

“You know she doesn’t feel that way anymore,” Ethan states with as much confidence as he can. I know he means well, and I know he believes what he is telling me, but honestly, I don’t know. I know she screamed for me when Jesse was hurting her. She was screaming, and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there when he took her. I just wasn’t fucking there.

I take a deep breath as the tears start to build in my eyes. I slowly turn and look at Ethan. He turns and looks at me. “I hope that is true,” I state, allowing the tears to escape my eyes and roll down my face.

“She knows, and if she doesn’t, she will,” Ethan states with confidence. I know he believes that, but right now, I feel like I am fucking free-falling. Falling into the fucking endless darkness, and I am afraid if I continue to fucking fall, I will never be able to escape the darkness inside me.

With her, it was easy to cage it and forget it, but now that I have given back to it, I can feel it inside me grabbing hold, wanting my soul, and she is the only one that can save me.

“I hope you are right. I don’t know what I am going to do if I lose her,” I state as calmly as I can. The pain, guilt, and shame I feel are starting to fucking take over. I am drowning, and I am drowning fucking fast in the three emotions. The three emotions I know can fucking destroy me from the inside out, and I know Ethan can see it. I can hear it in his voice.

“Don’t fucking think like that, man. You must be strong. You must be strong for her,” he states, reminding me of what I need to do, reminding me I need to be here for her. If I lose my shit, then Jesse wins, and I fucking refuse to let that happen. Ineed to hang on. I need to hang on like she is doing right now.

“I am trying,” I state softly. That is all I can do. If Emory can fight for her life, I can fight against the darkness. I can try to be the man she needs me to be.

“I know, and we are all here to make sure you stay strong. You are not alone, dude, and neither is she,” Ethan states in a soft voice, reminding me that we are family, reminding me he has my back, that they all have my back.

Before I can respond, I hear the nurses pulling the bed back in. Ethan and I both turn around and watch them roll my future wife into the room.

Her face is finally starting to heal. The cuts Jesse made have been taken care of and are patched up. Seeing her like this breaks me in every way humanly possible. And honestly, I am fucking scared. Scared that I didn’t make it in time. Scared that she just wants to give in to the cold darkness of death. I wouldn’t blame her after what she has been through, but if she dies, so do I because I don’t want to live in a world without her. I can’t fucking do it.

I slowly make my way over to the side of her bed and take a seat. The nurses are hooking her back up to all the monitors and things I know nothing about.

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