Page 30 of Lost in Me

I think it was always going to come down to this. It was always going to come down to her or him, and there is no choice. I will do anything to fucking save her and my unborn child.

She has given me back my heart, and even though right now in this moment it is shattered, I know she can put it back together again. I know I will be okay as long as she is okay.

Jesse wanted to go to war with the Devil. He wanted to make me suffer. He wanted to make sure I felt what he believes he is feeling, but the truth is he has no idea what this feels like. She doesn’t love him. She loves me. She doesn’t want him. She wants me. And I fear that once he learns that, he will take her life and my child’s life.

He has made it clear that he won’t live without her, but he doesn’t know that is also true for me. We are the same when it comes to our reason for living, but we are different with how we are going to keep it.

I don’t know what he has already done to her, but I do know it will be nothing compared to what I am going to do when I get my fucking hands on him.

I tried to give him a way out. I tried to give him the choice of moving on and starting a new life without Emory. He chose to take her. He chose the path of death, and now there is no turning back for him.

I will keep my promise to Emory. To my Fallen Angel. She knows me. She knows I will be coming for her. I just fucking pray I make it in time. I pray she can survive whatever the fuck he is doing to her. I pray my unborn child can survive whatever the fuck he is doing.

I drop the letter on the ground and quickly turn around, leaving the room. I walk down the hallway and out the front door. Ethan and the rest of my men are standing by our cars. They stop talking, turn, and watch me as I make my way down the steps and to the front of my car. Ethan goes to the passengerside, keeping his eyes on me as he opens the door and slides inside, slamming the door.

I look at my men, nod, and watch them make their way to their cars. They know what we are about to do. They knew what I would ask of them, and they chose to come when Ethan called. They know that once we get to Oregon, there is no turning back, and none of us will ever be the same, but I am willing to give my soul and my life if it means I keep my promise to my Fallen Angel. She doesn’t deserve to die in his arms. She doesn’t deserve to die at all, and I will make sure she survives, even if that means I don’t.

I open my car door and slide inside, closing the door and turning on the car. I watch the gates open as I put the car in “drive” and push on the gas. I slowly make my way through the gate and onto the main road, heading toward the freeway that leads to the airport.

Flying is the only way we can make it there. It is faster than driving. That is one good thing about being a millionaire drug dealer—I have my own jet. We don’t have to go through Customs or worry about being checked.

I can only pray we have no problems. I can only pray everything goes in our favor, but one thing I have learned about this life is that nothing is set in stone, anything can happen, and the person I have tried so hard to leave behind is now the person I need to be. It is fucking crazy how things can turn out.

I take a deep breath as I turn onto the freeway. “We will get there in time. We must get there in time,” Ethan states more to himself than to me.

“We will. We have to, brother,” I whisper as my heart starts to race. I tighten my grip on the steering wheel as I look in the mirror and see all the cars following behind me. When we called, they came.

Please, Angel, hold on. I am coming for you. I amcoming, I repeat in my mind wishing she could hear me.

Chapter Nineteen

Emory

I slowly open my eyes. My vision is blurred and spotty, and my head hurts. Everything hurts. I slowly lift my hands to touch my head, and that is when I feel something heavy on my wrists. I quickly open my eyes, my vision slowly coming into focus, and I look down at the chains wrapped around my wrists. My heart starts to race as I look down at my body. I am just wearing the now open bathrobe. I see my dirty, naked body underneath. I continue to look down and see there are chains wrapped around my ankles.

I slowly start to look around the room. The spots in my vision start to go away as my eyes adjust to the darkness. My heart sinks and shatters as I look around the room of my nightmares, the room that kept my screams and sealed my fate twelve years ago.No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this can’t be real. This can’t be happening.My heart starts racing so fast I can hear it in my ears. This room. Please, God, not this room.

I lean against the wall, using it to hold my heavy and pained body, and I slowly stand up. I look down at the chains connected to the floor. No, no, no, not again. Not again. This is a dream. A really bad dream.Wake up, Emory. Wake up, Emory.

I lean my back and head against the cold gray basement wall and close my eyes, trying to calm my heart rate. I’m trying to get a handle on my breathing, but I don’t think that is going to happen.

I take a deep breath as I try to recall what happened. The last thing I remember is being in the bathroom and seeing Jesse come up behind me. He whispered the chilling words he had stated before:“If I can’t have you, no one will.”He put something over my nose and mouth. I tried to pry his handoff me by grabbing his arm, but he was too strong. He was always too strong for me, and this time was no different. Then everything went black.

The darkness took me away from Shawn. My new home. My safe haven. The one place I thought he couldn’t get to me. The one place I allowed my walls and guard to come down, and now I am paying the price.

I take a deep breath and slowly open my eyes. I feel the tears building in my eyes as I see Jesse sitting on the edge of the bed. The bed where he claimed me. The bed where he took what was mine. The bed that allowed him to abuse my body. The bed that allowed him to almost break me twelve years ago.

I keep my eyes on Jesse as he slowly stands up. I slowly move along the wall until I hit the corner. The chains are not allowing me to move any further. Jesse allows a small smile to form across his lips as he starts to close the little bit of distance I made between us.

“I left it the same as it was. The home we created here,” Jesse states in a low, dark voice, making chills go down my spine.

I don’t respond as I watch him slowly make his way across the room. He stops when his chest hits mine. He lifts his hands and places them against the cold wall above my head, pinning me between him and the corner—the corner I thought would somehow keep him from me—but it doesn’t. It never did. I spent hours in this corner screaming and crying, but it never stopped him. It only encouraged him to continue trying to break me. Trying to get me to submit.

“I brought you home, my Dove,” Jesse whispers.

I take a deep breath, knowing once I open my mouth, everything will change. Just like it did before in this room, but I am not the woman I was when I was here last. I refuse to give him what he wants this time. I will not go back. I will not. “Don’tcall me that,” I snap.

He takes a deep breath as he leans in his lips, less than an inch from mine. I feel the tears rolling down my face, making his smile grow. I honestly don’t know why I am crying. I always knew this is where I would end up again.

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