Page 11 of Lost in Me

“And then?” she asks, continuing to look into my eyes.

Her question once again catches me off guard. I have a feeling she will be doing this a lot, which makes me want to laugh and smile. Normally, I am the one who catches people off guard, but right now, she is winning at my own game, and I have to say it is a fucking turn on.

I take a deep breath as my heart starts to race. Man, she doesn’t even have to try, and she is getting to me. She is already changing me. I can only fucking imagine what ten years from now will look like. I am turning into a fucking softy because I can only say six words, and the words I am about to say will change everything between us. “I fell in love with you.” My voice is so quiet I can barely hear myself.

But I can tell by the look in Em’s eyes that she heard my words—the words I had sworn not to say. People like me don’t fall in love. We can’t afford to. Our world is dangerous, and after all, I am not a good man. I don’t deserve love, not after everything I have done.

But she makes me question that. She makes me feel I might deserve it. She makes me want to be better for her.

“Love is a strong word,” she says softly. I can tell she wants to say more, but she is choosing not to. She is choosing to keep it a mystery, but with her I am starting to like the mystery she brings. She keeps me on my toes.

“It is,” I agree, looking at her. I slowly look down at her lips and then back up to her eyes. She leans in for a short but sweet kiss. Before I can lean into it, she pulls back just enough to look at me. The simple kiss is a gesture that makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.

Love, is a strong word, and before her, I would never use it. But I believe in it now. Instant love is not just in the movies anymore, it is right here in this moment. She isn’t ready, though, to hear that I am now obsessed and completely in love with her.

She isn’t ready to know just how far I am willing to go to keep her. I will go at her pace, she is used to men taking from her and forcing her. I will never do that. I will show her with my actions what my feelings are.

If this is what a relationship is? I never want it to fucking stop.

“I like the sound of it, though,” she whispers.

“Me too,” I state, not needing to think about my answer.

She stays silent for a moment, searching my eyes, making my heart beat even more. I am normally not like this, and I know with her I shouldn’t be like this, but I can’t help it. There is something about her that makes me question everything.

I lean in and gently kiss her forehead, another gesture new to me, but with her, it feels right. We are moving so fucking fast, I am getting whiplash, but I have never done things slowly, and it seems so far she is enjoying the ride. So why stop?

“What happens tomorrow?” she finally asks. I pull back and then gently place my forehead against hers, taking a deep breath.

I know we have to think about tomorrow. I know we can’t run away, but I wish we could. Everything feels perfect right now, and tomorrow that might change. Tomorrow is uncertain, and it makes me nervous. “We go to work, and we wait,” I whisper.

“He will be there,” she whispers back. The fear is now back in her voice, making my blood boil. I am getting sick and tired of this ex, and I don’t know how long I can hold out before I fucking break. And when I break, I will fucking break him.

“I know.” I pull back and rest the back of my head on thebed frame. She looks up at me. Her eyes are filled with desire and worry, a mix I wish wasn’t there. I know the worry will stay until everything with Jesse goes away, and I plan on making him go away sooner rather than later. Again for selfish fucking reasons. Thinking of him touching her, taking her from me, brings to the surface a level of rage I have never felt.

I watch her close her eyes and take a deep breath. I tighten my arm around her as she opens her eyes. “I’m afraid of him,” she whispers.

“He won’t touch you, and if he tries, I will fucking break him,” I state through gritted teeth. I am not normally possessive and controlling over a woman, but Emory is bringing forth many things I thought were long gone—things I never thought were possible for me to feel.

She allows a small smile to form across her lips. “I believe you.”

“Welcome to my world, my Fallen Angel,” I say in an amused voice.

She doesn’t respond as I lean back down and connect my lips to hers. I have no idea what we are doing or what I am doing, but I do know now that I have had her, I can’t let her go. I want her, and if that means bringing her into my world of drugs and crime, then so be it. She will be a queen.

I will give her everything she has ever wanted and more. She will know a life she should have had all along, and I will do the one thing I promised myself I would never do. I will fall in love with her, and she will have all of me.

Am I moving fast? Yes.

Will the world agree with what we are doing? No.

Is she forbidden? Someone I shouldn’t touch? Absolutely.

But I don’t fucking care. I have always prided myself on breaking the rules, and that won’t change now.

Chapter Seven

Jesse

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