Page 70 of Cash

"Babe, everyone who is remotely aware of hockey in this town knows that. Did he cheat on you?"

"No! He wouldn't do that. But when we were at the bar, I was feeling off balance because of all the shit mom is trying to pull with Bryan. And I saw him talking to a woman at the bar and she had her hands on him, he moved and didn't show any interest. But then after Bryan tried to kiss me, I came in and I saw him with another beautiful blond woman who’s built nothing like me, and I think?—"

"Hold up,” Ellie interrupted, “Bryan tried to kiss you?"

"He did. I slapped him. Can he please not come to your wedding? I know standing up to mom sucks, but I just don't think I can see him again."

"He's gone."

"Mom's going to flip about the seating chart."

"She can deal, she's always looking for something to stress about. But what happened with Cash after that?"

"I asked him if he slept with her."

Ellie cringed. "Did he answer?"

"Yes, and of course he had slept with her. Then I asked him about the woman from earlier...then I asked him how many women in the club he's slept with."

"Evie," Ellie said with a tentative look on her face. "Did he answer you?"

"He told me he didn't want to answer me because he wouldn't lie to me."

"Did you make him tell you?"

Evie nodded and pulled the blanket back over her head and sunk back into the cushions.

"Babe, if that bothers you, then it's good to know now. He can't change his past and if you can't get over it, it's not fair to him. He seems to really like you," she said, rubbing her back.

"It's not that," Evie said, trying to fight the tears, but she was losing that battle.

"What is it then?"

"I knew his past. It didn’t bother me, it still doesn't, but I think just coming face to face with it was hard. And after Bryan and maybe having one too many drinks I just didn’t handle it very well." Not to mention the images he had shown her…she could have lived her whole life without ever needed to see those photos that kept flipping through her head.

"Why does it bother you then?"

"They don't look like me," she said so softly.

"What?" her sister asked, pulling the blanket off.

"You don't get it Ellie, you’re perfect. When I knew he had been with all of those women, I fooled myself into thinking they were regular everyday women, but they weren’t."

"Evie, you’re beautiful."

"I know. It's not even about that really. I've had to be confident to navigate the world we live in in this body. The world of rich country club people isn't great to fat people, and then there is the world of competitive figure skating which is something else entirely. But I did it. I did it and I feel good about myself. But just seeing that made everything come into reality."

She sat up and got a tissue from the box in front of her. "I’ve just felt so out of control since everything has been happening with him. I really like him. I like him too much...and I'm worried I won't be enough for him," she said, wiping the tears that were now openly streaming down her face.

Ellie pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back while she cried. She hadn't cried like this in front of Ellie before. She hadn'tevercried like this before. When she broke up with Bryan, she had felt relief, not sadness, but right now she was a mess.

"What does Cash say about all this?" she asked.

"I haven't talked to him."

"Of course, you’re ignoring his calls and texts too. Am I right?"

"Not really?"

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