Page 52 of Lost the Handle

“Couldn’t look around before you further buried our son?” she retorts, setting him with a look. Shea’s brows touch, and he leans in to ask her something. I watch as she turns to whisper in his ear. He looks back at the picture and then at her. He makes a face, and I don’t miss the way he side-eyes Ava.

Go, Shea Adler! Tell her this is your house! Tell her that picture is real life and what’s happening is just some weird bad dream!

But unfortunately, he doesn’t. Instead, he kisses his wife’s lips and then tells everyone to go to the dining room. When I purposely sit across from Quinn, I don’t miss the way Ava glares at me. Little does she know, I’m allowing her to sit in my seat. I cross my legs, and when I look up, Quinn is watching me again. His eyes are hooded, and as he wets his bottom lip, I quirk my lips at the side. I don’t know why he’s looking at me that way, but I like it.

But then my phone sounds between my legs. Before I can reach for it, Mom flashes me a dark look, and I mouthsorrybefore I glance at it.

Quinn: No more. Please.

Me: Your eyes and the way you’re licking your lip are saying, “Climb in my lap, please.”

I grin to myself as I set my phone down. When I look across the table, he’s looking down at his phone, and I don’t miss the red creeping up his neck. He tucks his phone into his back pocket and sends me a pointed look that I just ignore. I have no issues behaving, as long as she does.

As much as my immature, petty self wants her not to behave, she does. She eats her salad, not involving herself in any conversations. There are a lot of them too. This table has sixteen people around it. Sure, convos with my nephews would be boring, but still, there are plenty of people to talk to, but she eats her salad and types on her phone. Which would be fine any other time, but I hate how Quinn is just sitting there. Almost asif he’s not allowed to speak, and I swear, if that’s the case, I’m swinging.

“I don’t know, we’ll see how it goes. Boon doesn’t really want to involve a stranger.” Posey’s comment to my mom has my brows drawing in. I was so focused on Quinn and Ava, I missed something here.

I look over at Quinn’s big sister. “A stranger for what?”

Posey meets my gaze, her greenish eyes filled with such pain and longing. This must have to do with her pregnancy issues. “A surrogate.”

“Not to sound like a jackass, but I don’t trust people. How can I trust that they’ll take care of my child the way my wife would?” Boon explains, and I nod. “I know how that sounds, but it scares me.”

“I get that,” I agree, and Posey squeezes my wrist. I don’t miss how Ava’s eyes cut to where Posey holds me. I don’t have to say a thing. She knows I belong, and she doesn’t. Clearing my throat, I tell them, “It’s all just so hard.”

“It is,” Posey says, her eyes brimming with tears.

“Adoption?”

Boon shakes his head. “I only want a child of Posey’s.”

Posey swallows hard as their eyes meet, and my heart sings for their love. He has always been so damn in love with her. So supportive. Everything she needs.

Before I can fully swoon over Boon’s actions, Ava says, “But it would be helping a child in need, not just adding to the population.” She chews a piece of lettuce she just put in her mouth. Honestly, I don’t think she’s meaning to be a bitch; it just comes off that way because she is one. “Or a foster child.”

Posey takes a deep breath as her big, protective husband bristles beside her. “That’s not what we want. We want a child of our own.”

Ava looks over at him, that shitty bedside manner of hers on full display. “Just saying, there are a lot of starving children, but you’re wanting to pay someone to carry a baby for you. It’d be more cost-effective, less invasive for the carrying cow, and you could give a good life to a child. You already have one with your blood, so you’re good.”

“Enough,” Quinn snaps, and I look over to find him red-faced. “This is no one’s decision but my sister's and her husband’s.” He then looks across the table at them. “We’ll support you and love any niece or nephew you give us.”

Ava looks like she’s been slapped. “I didn’t mean to offend you?—”

“But you did,” Boon snaps. His voice doesn’t ease off either as he continues. “This is a very sensitive subject and maybe not one to discuss among so many people—with so many different opinions.”

And people thinkI’mscary.

“I apologize. That wasn’t my intent,” she murmurs softly, and once more, the tension is thicker than a snicker.

I swallow hard, hating how suffocated I am feeling in a place I call a home. I’m overwhelmed by so many feelings, and without really thinking, I say, “I’ll carry a baby for you guys.”

Posey chokes on her drink as Boon’s fork stops almost to his mouth. My dad spits out the drink he just took, and my mom gawks at me. “Emery Elaine!”

“What?” I ask, shrugging. “I work from home, I take good care of myself, I don’t work out as much as I should, but I can walk if it’s healthy for the baby. I’m not attached since your brother is marrying someone else, and I don’t plan on becoming attached to anyone but him.”

I have no chill. I am well aware.

Before either Posey or Boon can say anything, Quinn’s gruff voice fills the space. “No fucking way.”

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