Page 47 of Lost the Handle

“Dad, what’s wrong with me?”

He pauses mid-drink and then directs his gaze at me. “That’s a loaded question, sweetness.” I give him a dry look, and he shrugs as he drops the bottle to his side. “For real. Are we asking mentally or physically…? I need more context.”

“Am I really that messed up?”

He chuckles softly. “I think you’re perfect, but a lot wouldn’t agree, which is their problem, not ours.” He lowers himself beside me, leaning his arm on the rock as he looks up at me. His gaze is full of love. The perfect dad. “What’s going on?”

I let out a heavy breath and shake my head. “Things with Quinn are getting messier than I anticipated.”

“What did you expect to happen when you decided to go after an engaged man?” he asks me, his eyes challenging.

“I thought I’d come back, and he’d leave her.”

Dad scoffs. “So, that’s not how it’s going? There is resistance, I presume?”

“Yeah, and I don’t get it.”

“He’s a loyal guy, which is one of the things I love about him.”

Me too. “But Dad, he doesn’t love her. He doesn’t want her?—”

“Yet, he’s engaged to her.” His words are like a slap, but I can’t accept what he is saying. “If the roles were reversed, would you want him to do that to you?”

“He wouldn’t.”

“Exactly,” he says, squeezing my knee.

“So, I should just let him marry someone he doesn’t want?”

“It’s not your place to decide that.”

“But he wants me.”

Dad makes a face. “Please, Emery. In my head, you and your sister are nuns.”

I snort at that. “Be real, Dad. Stella is married, and I’m very much attracted to Quinn.” My dad looks as if he might vomit, which only makes me laugh harder. But it dies off as I realize that I haven’t been with anyone since Quinn. “I wish I could go back and change how I handled things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wouldn’t have broken things off with him. I would have admitted how I felt.” I swallow thickly. “I wasn’t happy in California. I compared every guy to him. I thought I didn’t want to be tied down, but I always was. To him. When I did things to celebrate, I wanted so badly for Quinn to be there.”

Dad swallows as he nods slowly. “A bit of advice?”

I nod eagerly. “Please.”

Dad reaches out, threading our fingers together. “The past is the past, sweetness. Trust me, I have always been so in love with your mom, and our past was a clusterfuck of hell. She hid Aiden from me, and all the while, I was miserable without her. I hurt her, she hurt me, but we wouldn’t be where we are if we didn’tleave the past in the past and make a future together. It wasn’t easy, but we overcame it with honesty.”

If I thought Quinn’s and my story was a shitshow, nothing compares to what my mom and dad went through. It sounds like it was difficult, but even a blind person can see how much they love each other. “How can I make a future when he’s marrying someone else?”

He thinks that over. “Have you talked to him? I know you—I know how you do things, and I doubt you’ve been honest.”

I press my lips together. “I mean, I told him I wanted him.”

“Did you apologize for the past?”

“Sort of,” I admit. “I told him it was a mistake.”

“Did you tell him what you’ve told me, that you were miserable without him?”

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