Page 83 of Lost the Handle

“I couldn’t,” I admit, emotion thick in my voice. My chest feels like it is cracking open. “Everyone else was off living their best lives. At my age, Owen and Evan were in the NHL, living away from home. I was home and I still struggled, all because I couldn’t handle being left behind by Emery.”

Dad grips my arm, and I meet his gaze. “I didn’t shower, didn’t eat, didn’t do anything when your mom left me. I tried to get over her with another woman and couldn’t get it up.”I grimace, and he laughs. “Sorry. But Quinn, hear me, please. When you hurt, it’s okay to do just that—hurt. I was miserable without your mom, and thankfully, I only had to wait a couple months. You waited three years. In silence, mind you, because while I knew you missed the girl, I didn’t know you had all this going on.”

I bite the inside of my cheek as I stare into my dad’s loving gaze. The man who is my hero. The man I strive to be. My chest aches as I admit, “I didn’t want to embarrass you or disappoint you.”

“Quinn,” he stresses, gripping my arm, “it wouldn’t happen. Life is fucking hard, kid. I get it. I’ve lived it, and now I’m doing it again with adult kids and grandkids. I’m sorry I was too consumed with my own life to notice you were hurting.”

I shake my head. “Dad, no. You are the best dad.”

He gives me a small smile, squeezing my wrist. “And you’re the best son. Quinn, no matter what, I love you, and I’m proud of the man you’ve become.”

I look away, remorse and guilt coursing through me, seeping into my bones. I know my dad loves me, and I knew that Emery would be right about how my dad would react, but he hasn’t even heard it all. In almost a whisper, I tell him, “If I don’t marry her, she’ll turn me in to the school, and I’ll lose my residency.”

He takes a deep breath in through his nose, his nostrils flaring with anger. Everyone is scared of a mama bear, but don’t fuck with Shea Adler’s kids. “I never liked her.”

“I know,” I answer in a small voice. “I offered to pay her inheritance, but she doesn’t want to lose her family. She doesn’t care that I’m in love with Emery. She wants me to keep Emery as a side piece, but you know that’s not happening.”

“Yeah, absolutely not,” Dad says on a chuckle. “Emery would hump you at the wedding in front of everyone.”

“Exactly,” I say with a scoff. “That’s totally something she’d do.”

I close my eyes as I inhale deeply. I’ve gone over my options a million times, and I don’t have many. “Dad.”

“Yeah?”

“Would you still love me if I walked away from medicine?”

I glance over at him, and the stricken look on his face feels like a gut punch to my soul. I look away quickly, trying to breathe. “Quinn, for a prodigy, you are as dumb as a box of rocks sometimes,” he chastises, and I look back at him, my eyes wide. “Nothing or no one will ever keep me from loving you. I just want you to be happy.” He cups the back of my neck, squeezing it. “Do what makes you happy, son. That’s all I want. I don’t care if you’re a doctor or a TikTok guitar singer or whatever you do on that app. I just want you to be happy.” He grips me again, shaking me a bit. “I’ll say this, though. I remember a summer a while back when you and Emery were coding together and the roaring laughter I heard, the insults, the cussing, and then the huge smiles I saw. Quinn, you were happy.”

I feel like I’m suffocating. I’m not sure if it’s from his intense gaze or the reminder of that summer. Emery and I had hacked in to our high school’s database and changed grades for some of her friends who were in summer school. Once we realized what we could do, we were off to the deep, dark web. We had convinced our parents we needed better computers, and we soon built a mega desk, with four monitors and a souped-up desktop. We had so much fun. We learned so much that summer, and I remember I kept thinking how gorgeous she was.

Things were changing.

And now, I want that feeling back.

I want Emery.

My phone rings, and I see Ava’s name.

A knot forms in my gut, but I disregard it. This is no time to ignore her. I know what I have to do. But I can’t even get out a hello before she says, “Quinn, we have a problem.”

Chapter

Thirty-Seven

Emery

I’mat my desk with my legs crisscrossed beneath me when my phone rings. I glance down at it, hoping it’s Quinn or Yvette, but finding it’s Shelli Adler. I groan. If Stella told her that Quinn and I are back together, I am going to beat her up as soon as she has my niece or nephew.

I feel kind of bad for being so excited for my sister’s baby when I already have two nephews and a niece, but it is what it is.

No one ever really expects me to do what’s considered right.

“Hello?” I answer as I pause my current progress on a threat risk detector for one of my companies out in Nantucket.

“Hey there, Emery Brooks,” she sings, and I roll my eyes. I like Shelli just fine; she’s spoiled and likes to get her way, but she makes my brother happy. She’s a damn good mom and a great sister to Quinn. So, she’s okay in my book. She’s not Posey, who I would literally carry a baby for, but that was shut down by my man.

He-he. My man.

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