Page 10 of Lost the Handle

I know Quinn still loves me.

Still wants me.

I feel it.

The moment the door opened and his eyes met mine, I knew. Nothing has changed. Maybe everything around us has, maybe even who we are—but our love, our connection, is unbreakable. It goes back way too far. It’s soul-deep and something I took for granted. I knew I had to give myself time to grow up, but now, I wish I had done it a different way. Once I have Quinn where I want him, I’ll tell him that. I’ll apologize; I’ll beg if I have to. But first, I need him to realize how important I am to him. To remember he still loves me.

My hands are shaking as I try to unpack. It’s nice to know that the electricity when we touch is still there. I always thought I’d want him to be with someone else, and I’m sure he has been over the last three years, but hearing him say he wants to get married—and not to me—is something I am unable to handle.I’ve been wanting to come back to Tennessee since Christmas and had planned on moving this August. California wasn’t doing it for me anymore, and since my job is strictly remote, I can work anywhere. I’ve wanted to be here, with my family, where I feel safe. When I found out at his grandparents’ funeral that he was planning to marry someone else, I changed my plans.

And Operation Get Quinn Back came into existence a few years early.

Honestly, I’m surprised I lasted this long without him. Who am I kidding? I’ve been surviving, not thriving. I’ve done everything I can to distract myself. I started working for companies on the side to safeguard their systems from hackers, by hacking in to their systems and telling them I’m the only one who can protect them. EMQUINNY is a household name now, law enforcement all over the United States using my technology. I’m unstoppable.

So yeah, my business life is incredible, but my personal life is a shitshow of epic proportions. Quinn is right. I have the money to go buy a house right now and move in before the ink has time to dry on the paper, but that house wouldn’t be my home.

Quinn is my home.

He always has been. I was just too immature and scared, thinking my life would be over if I settled down. I was stupid because all these years would have been better with Quinn by my side. Instead, I haven’t been attracted to anyone, guilt eats me alive when I try, and all I’ve wanted was to call him. To hear his voice. Thankfully, he has become a huge social media star, and all I have to do is watch his TikTok and his Instagram. Sometimes the same exact videos, just to feel close to him. He’s always been an incredible singer, and nothing is hotter than Quinn Adler in his doctor coat with a guitar, singing about his lost love.

Me. That’s me. I’m the lost love.

But not anymore.

When I feel his gaze still on me, I turn to face him. “I’m nervous about my computer. Can you go get it with your big, strong arms?”

I waggle my brows at him in a teasing manner, and his eyes turn to storm clouds of blue, dark and dangerous. But totally sexy. I don’t know how, but I swear he’s taller and so much thicker. His shoulders are wide and defined, even beneath his white tee. His dark hair falls in waves but neatly shaved up the sides. His jaw is all crisp lines, free of hair, and I can’t help but smile at the little bump on his nose. I am the reason he broke his nose when he was eight. I was shooting pucks, and one somehow got away from me. I felt awful and cried for hours before Shea, his dad, called to say that Quinn didn’t want to get it fixed. He wanted to look like a true hockey player. Even now, I’d assume he was a hockey player rather than a physician.

I wonder if I offered to be his patient, how naughty we could get?

“You have to behave.”

His comment catches me off guard, but I recover quickly, batting my lashes at him. “Oh, but Quinny, I’m always your good girl.”

He points at me, his eyes narrowing. “None of that. That’s highly disrespectful to my fiancée.”

It’s probably more disrespectful to plan her murder. Alas, I am, not that I’d do it. I look really bad in orange. Like, so bad. Makes me look like I have jaundice or something. Plus, I can’t hack in jail. And above all, I’m not eating any pussy for a snack. Which is why I haven’t killed anyone yet.

But Ava’s days are numbered.

I’m gonna try it the legal way first, even if it’s not respectful, as Quinn keeps saying.

“How? I am a good girl.” He gives me a blank look, and I, of course, grin. “What? I am.”

“You’re not, but you’re also being very sexual.”

My lips twitch. Man, he walked right into this one. “You’re the one making it sexual.”

“Emery, I’m serious!” he yells, his eyes wild, his face turning red. “Nothing can happen between us.”

“Like before, you’re assuming I’m only here for sex. Last time, I smacked you for that accusation. Should I make it harder this time?”

Heat flares in his eyes. “I’m not joking.”

“I’m not either,” I say simply. “You’re the one thinking something will happen. I just need a place to stay.” We both know I’m a huge-ass liar, but I continue to grin widely at him. Since I don’t want to argue with him anymore, I ask, “Can you be a sweetie and get my stuff for me? You know how much I love my computer.”

He doesn’t even answer. He lets out a frustrated breath and marches out the door. “Thanks, bestie!” I call after him, and when he huffs another frustrated breath, I smile. But as quickly as it appeared, it falls away as I look around the plain-ass room. There is nothing in here. Even the bed has no sheets or bedding. I’m surprised he didn’t turn this into a recording room or something along those lines.

The fact that he is fighting this so hard has me giddy. The attraction between us is still alive, not that I didn’t think it would be. We’re too good together. He’s the best I’ve ever had. While in public, he is all sweet and charming, the boy next door, in the sheets, he is a dominating alphahole who rocks my world. He knows how to make me come in ways I never imagined, and I miss the intimacy I’ve only experienced with him.

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